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Mary Vincent Refused to Die

The content below is from Episode 128 of the Who’d a Thunk It? Podcast

WARNING

  • This episode features mature material. It is about a woman’s incredible story of survival, but what she had to survive might be shocking for some listeners.

RECOMMENDATION SEGMENT

  • This week I recommend you don’t give your money to old friends LOL JK.
    • If you don’t know what I’m talking about refer back to last week’s episode.
  • No, but this week I recommend you watch The Patient on Hulu. Starring Steve Carrell and Domhnall Gleeson.
    • Steve Carrell’s character is this well-known successful therapist who wakes up one day in a basement he doesn’t recognized and chained to a bed. He finds himself held prisoner by a patient of his who reveals he is a serial killer with an unusual request to curb his homicidal urges.
    • So far there are only 2 episodes out, but I found myself wanting to see more which is a good sign.

NOW FOR THE MAIN EVENT

  • In September of 1978, a 15-year-old Mary Vincent has just run away from her home in Nevada.
    • Mary reaches Modesto California before she, like most runaways, decides to return home. She begins to hitchhike her way back to Nevada.
    • Now we think of hitchhiking as so dangerous that it is almost taboo.
      • In the 1930s and 1940s, hitchhiking was at its peak thanks to poverty from the Great Depression. People hitchhiked out of necessity. In the 1950s America saw prosperity and hitchhiking became less popular, but in the 60s and 70s, there was a cultural resurgence.
        • During this time period, it was common to see people along the road with “headed South” written on it or simply “need a ride,” just walking along the interstate.
      • It became less popular after the 70s, but it still remained a relatively viable means of travel throughout the 1980s and into the early 1990s.
      • Nowadays, hitchhiking is perceived as dangerous, and few drivers are willing to pick someone up. Police departments discourage it, and many states explicitly ban it. Most hitchhikers have no other options and do so as a last resort.
  • Mary held a sign that read “going south,” as she trekked along the road. Then a man driving a blue van pulled up next to her.
    • This man’s blue van was virtually empty with lots of room in the back. But when he pulled off the road to 3 hitchhikers, all with signs indicating they were going in the same direction, he said he only had room for 1. Mary took the opportunity.
      • The other hitchhikers behind Mary were men and they cautioned Mary from getting into a van that would only allow 1 person… a girl to climb aboard. But Mary was 15 and simply did not calculate the risks.
    • The driver was an older guy. He looked like a grandfather. So finally thinking she could reach home instead of spending another night out alone on the road, she fell asleep in the back of his van.
    • When she woke up in the back of the blue van she immediately realized from the roadsigns that the man had started heading the wrong way down a deserted road.
      • She confronted him about it: “Look man, you are going the wrong way and you know you are going the wrong way. What’s the deal?”
    • Still waking up, but grasping her situation more clearly she sets her mind on escape. She notices her tennis shoes are untied. Thinking if she can just tie her shoes she will be able to outrun the elderly and out-of-shape driver, she opens the passenger door and starts tying her shoe.
    • As she leans down to her shoe… darkness. A sledgehammer had hit her on the back of her head.
    • She was able to regain consciousness after the blow, but quickly realized she was tied up and being raped by the driver.
    • Six times. Mary remembers 6 times she was raped by this man. At some point, she did ask why he was doing it, but he didn’t respond.
      • Throughout repeated rapes, Mary pleaded to be set free. “Just set me free,” she told him. “I won’t tell anyone.” But the driver never responded.
      • Mary must have felt like dying at that moment.
  • Eventually, the driver fell asleep, but being completely tied up, Mary was unable to escape. She stayed awake the entire night and watched the sunrise through the windows of the van.
    • The driver woke up and pulled Mary’s naked and bleeding body out of the van into the empty desert landscape.
    • The driver finally gave Mary a response: “You want to be set free? I’ll set you free.” Then goes to his toolbox and pulls out a hatchet.
    • The driver grabs Mary’s left arm and swings at it twice at the forearm. Mary begins to fall to the ground from shock but reaches for the driver’s own arm. She remembers gripping his arm tightly, but it didn’t brace her fall at all. She looked down at her arm and sees that it is gone… just a bloody stump with blood gushing from it.
    • That’s when she started to feel the burning sharp pain hit her arm. As blood poured from her body she felt hot. She didn’t lose consciousness but instead felt the excruciating pain. Her left arm had been severed just below the elbow.
  • That is when the driver took Mary’s right arm. This time Mary had no doubt in her mind what he planned to do with it and she freaked out.
    • She started kicking and screaming for the driver to stop or someone would hear her, but it didn’t stop him. In fact, because she was kicking and screaming it took the driver much longer to sever her right arm.
    • It took many swings for him to sever her right arm. When it was completely severed Mary was still conscious and bleeding. She looked over to the driver and saw he was flicking his arm for some reason.
    • She squinted and focused to see why. Her severed arm was still gripping onto his arm and would not let go.
    • Mary stayed still when the driver walked back over to her and started to drag her away from the van.
    • He must have thought Mary was dead or unconscious when he threw her body off a 30-foot cliff and drove off.
  • At the bottom of the cliff, 4 ribs broken, and going into shock from blood loss, most would die in this situation, but something in Mary told her she had to survive. She knew that if she died the driver wouldn’t be caught and he would just do it to someone else. She couldn’t let that happen.
    • When she was exhausted, dehydrated, hungry, in tremendous amount of pain, lightheaded from blood loss, raped, mutilated, and thrown off a cliff left for dead, Mary Vincent got to work surviving.
    • First, she took what was left of her arms and shoved them in the dirt to try and stop the bleeding. Infection may set in, but blood loss was more of a time-sensitive issue. The dirt, mixed with her own blood, turned to mud and helped stop the bleeding.
    • Then she started to crawl up the cliff without any hands. This took quite some time and by the time she reached the road night had set in. It was pitch black. But she did hear heavy traffic somewhere off in the distance. She followed the noise. She walked and walked for over 3 miles until she started to see daylight.
      • She kept her arms in the air so that less blood would leave her body.
    • She saw her first car and remembers it was a red convertible … funny the details you remember. The passengers of this car were two younger guys. They took one look at Mary, covered in dirt and blood, naked, and waving two amputated arms in the air screaming for help… The two men in the car sped off without so much as a word to Mary.
      • At this point her mind fell into despare. “I’m going to die because I look like some sort of monster and everyone is too afraid to stop.”
    • So out of desperation, Mary starts walking in the middle of the road. And that is when the 2nd car stops. A couple on their honeymoon who had lost their way to their resort stopped and agreed to help her.
    • They gently put Mary into their truck and told her to lay still. Mary remembers how fast they sped down the road to the nearest phone. They called paramedics and a rescue helicopter was deployed.
    • Once secured in the Hospital they discovered that Mary had lost about 50% of her blood. The remaining blood had become toxic. Most people do not survive such a state, but Mary did. She refused to die.
  • It was 10 days later when authorities identified and arrested Mary’s attacker. His name was Lawrence Singleton who had been dubbed the “Mad Chopper” by media outlets. The next time Mary saw her attacker was in court.
    • Six months after the assault, Mary Vincent faced Singleton at his trial, where her testimony helped to convict him. 
      • Mary agreed to sit 10 to 15 feet from her attacker.
    • Singleton was convicted of rape and attempted murder. He was sentenced to fourteen years in prison, the maximum allowed by law in California at that time. The presiding judge remarked: “If I had the power, I would send him to prison for the rest of his natural life.”
      • As Mary left the court room that day she had to pass within inches of Singleton. According to Mary he whispered “if it is the last thing I do, I will finish the job.”
    • While Vincent won a $2.56 million civil judgment against Singleton, she was unable to collect it when Singleton revealed that he was unemployed, in poor health, and had only $200 in savings.
    • Mary Vincent moved on. She moved forward. She got married and became a loving mother of two.
  • Unfortunately, the story doesn’t end there.
    • Along with the particularly gruesome and callous aspects of the crime, the case became even more notorious after Singleton was paroled after serving only eight years in prison. He was able to reduce his time through good behavior and working as a teaching assistant in a prison classroom. Singleton was paroled to Contra Costa County, California, but no town would accept his presence, so he had to live in a trailer on the grounds of San Quentin prison until his parole ended a year later.
      • Mary heard that Singleton had been set free and was haunted by his promise to hunt her down and “finish the job.”
    • According to Time magazine, “as authorities attempted to settle him in one Bay Area town after another, angry crowds and Tampa’s chapter of Guardian Angels led protests, screamed, picketed and eventually prevailed.” 
    • The outrage at this sentence resulted in legislation, supported by Mary Vincent, which prevents the early release of offenders who have done a crime that involves torture: in 1987 Singleton’s parole made a bill get passed: California’s “Singleton bill”, which carries a 25-years-to-life sentence.
    • The leniency of the legal system shocked and outraged many. One journalist who interviewed him remarked, “What was most surprising to me, however, was not his sentence. It was that Larry Singleton had worked his crimes around in his mind so completely that they did not warrant punishment at all.” Right before Singleton’s parole ended, Donald Stahl, the Stanislaus County prosecutor at Singleton’s trial, said, “I think, if anything, he’s worse now. He has not taken responsibility. He lives in a bizarre fantasy land and acquits himself each day. He doesn’t accept his guilt and won’t promise to not do it again.”
    • Singleton returned to his native Florida after his release. In 1990, he was twice convicted of theft. He stole a $10 disposable camera and a $3 hat. Before his sentencing for the latter crime, he described himself to the judge as “a confused, muddleheaded old man”.
    • In the spring of 1997, a neighbor called police to report Singleton assaulting a woman in his home in Sulphur Springs, Florida. When police responded, they found the dead body of Roxanne Hayes; she had been stabbed multiple times in the upper body. Hayes was a mother of three.
      • The justice system failed her, and Mary was not having it.
    • Mary Vincent traveled from California to Tampa to appear at Singleton’s sentencing. During her testimony, she described Singleton’s attack and the toll the ordeal had taken on her. The judge sentenced Singleton to death. 
    • Singleton died in 2001 of cancer in a prison hospital at the North Florida Reception Center in Starke, Florida. He was 74 years old.
    • Mary said “I didn’t feel relief when he died. I needed to know what was in that dark soul of his. I felt that I was robbed of that opportunity. But because of my sons… I saw the relief on their faces and that made me realize ‘Ok, that’s good enough closure for me.’ I don’t have to worry about my sons’ lives anymore.”

“It is god and my sons that keep me going. I didn’t die. I’m a survivor.” -Mary Vincent

CREDIT:

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The Worst Road Trip I Have Ever Taken

This week’s episode does not have a script. Episode #127 is a little different.

This past weekend was one of my best friend’s bachelor party that was supposed to be in Charleston SC. But the Best Man took all of our money for the mansion on the beach, booked a crappy shack 30+ minutes out of town, and snorted the $3,700 leftover… right up his now scabbed and scarred nose. 

Listen here: https://anchor.fm/zebmc/episodes/The-Worst-Road-Trip-I-Have-Ever-Taken-e1n5vsf

CREDIT: no citations… just my memory because this actually happened

Resources:

NA World Services

http://www.NA.org
PO Box 9999
Van Nuys, California USA 91409
Telephone +1.818.773.9999
Fax +1.818.700.0700

NCPGambling.org

National Helpline 1-800-522-4700

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MK-Ultra

The content below is from Episode 126 of the Who’d a Thunk It? Podcast

RECOMMENDATION SEGMENT

  • This week I have a specific recommendation for you. Go to YouTube and search “Shane Gillis Live In Austin.” It is a 48-minute and 4-second long video posted by Gilly and Keeves YouTube channel. It was released on September 7th of 2021.
    • Just a free stand-up show on YouTube with all my favorite topics to hear in a comedy show: politics, family, football, racism, drugs, and making fun of his own culture: rural Pennsylvania white people.

NOW FOR THE MAIN EVENT

  • To start this episode I want to take you back to the time of the Cold War.
    • The Cold War is a term commonly used to refer to a period of geopolitical tension between the United States and the Soviet Union and their respective allies, the Western Bloc and the Eastern Bloc.
    • It began shortly after World War 2 and ended in the late 1990s
    • During this time, both nations were on edge all the time constantly trying to find new ways to best their opponent. While the general public of the world was gripped with fear over the nuclear holocaust, the Tactics used by the two sides were sometimes unorthodox and desperate.
  • Early on in the Cold War, the United State’s Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) wanted to out-do the Soviets on a playing field that we typically think is reserved for science fiction: mind control.
    • They started a secret program known as MK-Ultra
    • On a massive scale, psychiatric institutions across the US and Canada were funded by the CIA (on the tax payer dollar) to perform experiments aimed at the goal of developing mind control techniques.
    • These experiments consisted of
      • sensory deprivation
      • drugs
      • electroshock treatment
      • and other psychological techniques
    • All of these techniques can and are used to benefit psychiatric patients today.
      • Yes, believe it or not, electroshock treatment is used today. I thought it was appalling at first, but through my work, I have spoken to many people who swear it does wonders for them when no other form of treatment could help them.
      • Pharmaceutical drugs benefit countless people on a regular basis
      • And sensory deprivation tanks are now marketed as a luxury spa treatment that even my fiancee and I took part in during vacation once. It was really nice
    • But all of those treatments are beneficial when used toward the goal of benefitting the patient… when the goal is to further some other goal such as weaponizing psychology to defeat a Cold War enemy… the patient rarely benefits. On the contrary, they often suffer. It is immoral, unethical, and highly illegal to deceive a patient or even a research participant involved in such experiments.
      • VERY ILLEGAL by many different standards. Entire institutions such as Institutional Review Boards (IRBs) were constructed to avoid such heinous mistreatment of people and that is just for research purposes, let alone mental healthcare regulations.
    • Yet somehow the CIA has never been punished, had to compensate victims or even publicly apologize for their misdeeds.
  • When the Korean war ended with a cease-fire in the summer of 1953, American POWs were sent back home, but people noticed something was off about them.
    • The POWs were all gun-ho communists now, preaching about the benefits of living in a communist country and the pitfalls of living in a capitalist one.
    • While their neighbors speculated, the US government was convinced the POWs had been put through some sort of communist mind control treatment while overseas.
    • Terrified of being out-done in any form of strength by the Soviets, the US government granted $25 million dollars in funding to the CIA to create a US-based form of mind control… That’s $25 million in the 1950s, that’s roughly $300 million today. All this was given to a newly formed agency. The CIA had only just been formed a few years earlier in 1947.
    • What did the CIA do with all this money and power? They got to work poking, prodding, and destroying the lives of the average citizen.
    • Under an enormous shroud of secrecy, they started psychiatric experiments on humans. Money was given to psychiatric hospitals, federal prisons, and even local pharmacies to distribute drugs unknowingly to the public directly. All this was done without the participant/patients’ awareness or consent.
  • The operation was known as MK-Ultra, but that was broken up into smaller projects within MK-Ultra.
    • One of those projects was known as Operation Midnight Climax.
      • Operation Midnight Climax was a string of safe houses all over north America that were set up so that prostitutes could lure the men back to these safe house apartments. Once inside, the men would be forced to ingest large amounts of LSD. Once dosed with the psychotropic drug… heavily dosed, the men were studied by CIA analysts often from behind a 2-way mirror.
    • Under MK-Ultra, parties were thrown where LSD was distributed to party-goers, and were given music to listen to while being observed.
      • But these CIA orchestrated parties became more commonplace. Known as Acid Tests, these parties grew so popular and contributed to the Hippy movement of the following decade, the 60s.
    • I will admit, these two projects don’t sound all that bad. Operation Midnight Climax was a free night with a prostitute and free LSD and Acid Tests were sanctioned parties with good music and again… free drugs. But not all the projects were so morally ambiguous.
Donald Ewen Cameron – 1967
  • Arguably the worst project under the MK-Ultra umbrella was Subproject 68.
    • The Allan Memorial Institute in Montreal Canada is where some of the most messed up stuff went down. Dr Ewen Cameron “treated” patients who were suffering from post-partum depression, schizophrenia, and other serious mental illnesses.
    • Dr. Ewen Cameron used various drug cocktails and unorthodox techniques to treat these unsuspecting experiment participants.
      • Lana Sowchuk, the daughter of a victim, recounts that her father went to Dr. Ewen Cameron at the age of 27 in the physical peak of his life. Her father enjoyed athletics but had asthma. He was told by healthcare professionals that Dr. Ewen Cameron, the Scottish-American doctor at Allan Memorial Hospital could cure his asthma.
      • Other family members of victims tell how their loved ones would go to a doctor seeking all sorts of treatment (including physical health) and be referred to Dr. Ewen Cameron.
      • He had a network of colleagues that would refer their patients to him. This ensured that Dr. Ewen Cameron had a steady flow of unknowing participants for his experiments at Allan Memorial Hospital.
    • The Doctor’s goal was to revert his participants back to an infantile state. He wanted to erase who they were psychologically, a process he called “Depatterning.”
      • If successful, the doctor would then try to rebuild their mind so that he could control them completely and remake the person as he saw fit.
    • His favorite method for depatterning was “Psychic Driving.”
      • Patients were put in an insulin-induced coma (sometimes for 36 days or longer). While in the coma and while sleeping, a tape recorder of a psychiatrist’s lectures was played on a loop under the patient’s pillow.
      • Sometimes these recordings would say things like “your mother hates you” to sever ties with the patient’s past.
  • The Page Russel electroshock therapy was also used for depatterning.
    • Page Russel Shock treatment is about 40 to 75 times the strength of shock treatment that is used today. That is 40 to 75 times stronger than the shock treatment that actually benefits patients like the ones I talked with at work.
    • Here is some history on Page Russel ElectroShcok Therapy from FreedomMag.org:
      • 1938 After observing pigs shocked into seizures and senselessness in a Rome slaughterhouse, Italian psychiatrist Ugo Cerletti uses the same method on a human being. After the first shock, his subject screams, “Not another one! It’s deadly!”
      • 1940s In Nazi euthanasia facilities, hundreds are killed with electroshock machines.
      • 1943-1950 Incarcerated in a series of psychiatric institutions, Frances Farmer receives ECT against her will. The gifted actress never regains her creative abilities and dies at 56.
      • 1949 At age 26, Judy Garland undergoes ECT. Several suicide attempts follow. Her biographer, Gerold Frank, writes in Judy: “[S]he had no respect for psychiatrists; she had seen more than a dozen of them and they had all failed her.”
      • 1954-1962 Electroshock is used to torture prisoners of the French during the Algerian War.
      • 1957 Psychiatrist Ewen Cameron describes to the 2nd World Congress of Psychiatry what happens to those receiving ECT: “There is complete amnesia for all events of his life.”
      • 1960-1961 Ernest Hemingway receives ECT at the Mayo Clinic under the supervision of psychiatrist Howard Rome. On July 2, 1961, shortly after returning home, he kills himself with his favorite shotgun, but not before he had written: “What is the sense of ruining my head and erasing my memory, which is my capital, and putting me out of business? It was a brilliant cure but we lost the patient.”
      • The CIA’s 1963 KUBARK Counterintelligence Manual is based on Cameron’s “blank slate” approach of regressing people to “reprogram” their minds. As Naomi Klein pointed out in The Shock Doctrine, Cameron’s work apparently made a strong impression. Klein reported that the CIA in 1966 dispatched three psychiatrists to Vietnam with a Page-Russell electroshock machine, the type Cameron favored. According to Klein, “it was used so aggressively that it killed several prisoners.” Alfred McCoy, author of A Question of Torture, noted, “In effect, they were testing under field conditions whether Ewen Cameron’s McGill depatterning techniques could actually alter human behavior.”
      • So yeah, Page Russel ElectroShock was used as a torture device that causes seizures and erases a lot of who a person is.
    • But Dr. Ewen Cameron was discouraged. Most of his patients were reported to still ask for loved ones such as their wives or parents after dozens of electroshock treatments.
      • When patients did still exhibit ties with their former lives, after the 30+days of insulin comas, and dozens of electroshock torture sessions… the Doctor would induce another 30+ day coma and more electroshock treatment.
  • When these patients… victims really… were finally released their lives were ruined.
    • Loved ones reported complete change in personality. Once healthy and productive members of society were now unable to hold a job and seemed lifeless to hold a gaze with.
  • MK-Ultra was shut down in 1973
    • John Marks, a whistleblower, wrote a book called “The Search for the Manchurian Candidate.”
    • His book exposed MK-Ultra and caused congressional hearings that shined a light on the program during the mid-70s.
    • Through these hearings, the CIA did admit that MK-Ultra existed and that it was unethical but stated that they were innocent due to the time period.
    • Even thought there were official congressional hearings and public awareness of the program, many victims, for whatever reason, did not speak out.
    • Likely due to shame, the vast majority of MK-Ultra victims took their suffering with them to the grave. But now their family members are speaking out.
    • Decades later with no compensation or even an apology, the children and grandchildren of MK-Ultra victims are demanding to be acknowledged. A class action lawsuit has been filed.
  • Although there was an official hearing and now public outcry, much of MK-Ultra’s findings and reach is unknown.
    • Most of the evidence against Dr. Ewen Cameron and others working for the CIA had evidence destroyed.
    • We now know about the victims and what they went through, but we have no idea the larger impact this played on our world.
  • But many have speculated on the applications of MK-Ultra might have been
    • Many TV series, movies, and books have been inspired by MK-Ultra
      • Stranger Things
      • The Manchurian Candidate (book and movie starring Denzel Washington)
      • American Ultra
      • and Conspiracy Theory starring Mel Gibson and Julia Roberts
  • We like to think that it is impossible for such a project to happen today.
    • There are all sorts of hoops and regulations that a researcher has to get through to conduct ANYTHING on human beings, even just a paper survey.
    • But this was done by a government agency. One that was well funded and given the power to keep people quiet.
    • Who knows what tactics came out of MK-Ultra. Perhaps there is a Manchurian candidate out there somewhere, brainwashed to do the government’s bidding. I don’t mean to cause panic in people or spread conspiracy theories, but MK-Ultra actually happened. There were congressional hearings and LOADS of evidence. The government infiltrated the healthcare system and tried to brainwash people under the guise of curing their asthma or sore neck.
    • People’s trusted family doctors were in on this.
    • This sounds like something you would hear Joe Rogan talk about with a blunt in hand discussing with a tinfoil hat guy on his show. This sounds like something made up… but it is not. THIS HAPPENED.

Stay safe out there Who’d a Thunkers. Until next week.

CREDIT:

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Napoleon and his Tendon

The content below is from Episode 125 of the Who’d a Thunk It? Podcast

RECOMMENDATION SEGMENT

  • This week’s recommendation is pretty short as the episode main event is quite long lol
  • I recommend you listen to and see live the band Greta Van Fleet
    • They sound a lot like Led Zepplin and a little like Rush.
    • I saw them open for Metallica and while all openers and Metallica kicked ass (I had a great time), I personally think Greta Van Fleet impressed me the most.
    • Their performance was transcendent.
    • I just started listening to them, but a song I have already fallen in love with is Heat Above.
    • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrWFu5k1Jpg

NOW FOR THE MAIN EVENT

  • Napoleon Bonaparte, later known by his regnal name Napoleon I, was a French military and political leader who rose to prominence during the French Revolution and led several successful campaigns during the Revolutionary Wars.
  • His life is full of some of the greatest stories in history:
    • Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821), also known as Napoleon I, was a French military leader and emperor who conquered much of Europe in the early 19th century. Born on the island of Corsica, Napoleon rapidly rose through the ranks of the military during the French Revolution (1789-1799). It was during this time period that his reputation went from a fan favorite star to supernova status.
    • The French Revolution was a period of radical political and societal change in France that began with the Estates General of 1789 and ended with the formation of the French Consulate in November 1799.
      • The French Revolution is its own thing. Lots of radical political uprisings happened and it was even crazier than America’s revolution. People got their heads chopped off with this new invention called the Guillotine… you may have heard of it lol. And it was during this time of chaos that Napoleon rose like a phoenix from the ashes of the former monarchy to take hold of France’s future with an iron grip.
  • Starting in 1792, the new Revolutionary government, still in its infancy, was caught up in all sorts of military conflicts with all sorts of European nations and a coalition of European allies.
    • It was in 1795 that Napoleon helped shut down a Royalist insurrection in Paris. The royalist wanted to bring back the monarchy and Napoleon said hell no, this revolutionary government is what I’m all about and I don’t need you, royalists, mucking it up. For Napoleon’s efforts, he was promoted to Major General.
    • Our boy Napoleon lead the French army to victory in 1796 over the Austrians who were one of France’s biggest rivals. This led to the signing of the Treaty of Campo Formio which ended the fighting and gave France a whole lot of land.
    • After all of these military successes, the Directory (5 dudes that had been running France’s revolutionary government since 1795) decided to give Napoleon permission to invade England. But Napoleon knew that would be a dumb move. England is an island and had the greatest naval power in the world at the time.
    • So instead he decided to go bash some skulls down in Egypt. Egypt was a major part of England’s trade with India. With India being the crown jewel of the English Empire and all, messing up this trade route would greatly cripple the English.
    • Napoleon’s troops, who by now were becoming his ultra-loyal badass fighting force, stomped all over the Egyptian Mamluks (military rulers) at one of the coolest battle names in recent history: The Battle of the Pyramids in July of 1798.
      • But this victory didn’t last long. You see, England didn’t take too kindly to Napoleon crippling their trade with India and so they took their super powerful navy and basically stranded the French troops down in the Egyptian desert after the Battle of the Nile in August of 1798.
    • The very next year, not satiated with all the fighting thus far, Napoleon decided he liked the look of the Ottoman Empire’s land of Syria. He tried to invade but lost in his attempt to lay siege to Acre (modern-day Israel). That is when Napoleon decided to make a strategic move, based on the political atmosphere at the time, to straight up abandon his army in Egypt and bounce right on back to France in the summer of 1799.
      • Why you might ask? Because that fall in November of 1799, Napoleon Bonaparte was a major part of the Coup of 18 Brumaire, a famous coup where Napoleon overthrew those 5 dudes who’d been running the French Revolutionary Government known as the Directory.
    • In the Directory’s place was a 3-person Consulate and Napoleon as first-consul… Which put him at the tippy top of France’s government.
    • The next summer in June of 1800, Napoleon led French forces to victory over those pesky Austrians. This made the French public love him even more as they hated the Austrians. Kicking the Austrians out of Italy and brokering a peace with the English through the treaty of Amiens in 1802 was a MASSIVE boost to his public opinion rating.
  • One of the things that sets Napoleon apart from other conquerors is that he did take the time to make sure his nation was doing well.
    • He made sure the government was set up right and efficiently. He updated France’s banking, education, science, and art. France was widely a Catholic nation, yet the country had been on rocky ground with the Vatican lately and so he bro’d it up with the pope to smooth that relationship over.
    • Arguably the best thing he did to further his nation was introduce the Napoleonic Code. This code made the French legal system MUCH more efficient. The code was so well written that it is the basis for the French legal system still to this day.
    • All these improvements and military accomplishments gave Napoleon all sorts of political power. So in 1802 there was a constitutional amendment that allowed him to keep the title of First-Consul for life. Which seems like an invitation for corruption… but that wasn’t enough. Just 2 years later in the year of 1804, a big bougie-ass ceremony was held at Cathedrale Note-Dame de Paris. It was Napoleon’s crowning ceremony as the Emporer of France!
      • Que the empirical march music!
  • How was Napoleon as an Emperor?
    • Well, the little feisty bastard had nowhere else to go in his own government. He had become the Emperor… He wasn’t satsified with First-Consul for life, the tippy top of the heap, so he had them create a new title and crowned him Emperor. So what do you think he did?
    • He took all that aggression and went right back to expanding outwards. Nowhere left to go up, so why not spread out?
    • That’s when this testosterone-filled pipsqueak decided to go on a 12-year series of military campaigns that would come to be known as the Napoleonic Wars. The dude has not one, but a series of wars named after him.
    • The Napoleonic wars, put simply, was France versus Europe. Napoleon would lead his ultra-badass loyal soldiers who had been fighting with him for over a decade now into wars against entire coalitions of European allies. He wasn’t just fighting a nation at a time mano-e-mano… he was taking on 2, 3, 4 countries at a time… and winning. Here are some highlights of the Napoleonic Wars:
      • To fund all of this, amongst other things, the 5 foot 7 ruler sold the large expanse of land known as the Louisiana Territory to the baby nation overseas known as the United States of America for $15 million dollars (almost $400 million today). This would come to be known as the Louisiana Purchase and was one HELL of a bargain for the USA. This doubled the size of the USA. The reason why France sold the territory at such a low cost could be an entire episode on its own. Such a complex story with violence and political maneuvering.
I have a map of the Louisiana territory on the blog here. It is a massive amount of land stretching from Alberta Canada to New Orleans.
  • The Battle of Trafalgar in October of 1805 is when England’s superior naval fleet wiped Napoleon’s fleet off the map. But just 2 months later he decimated the Austrian and Russian forces at the Battle of Austerlitz. Napoleon beat those Austrians and Ruskies so bad it would up taking the Holy Roman Empire off the board and creating the Confederation of the Rhine.
    • This confederation was an alliance of various German states that served as a satellite and major military ally of the French Empire with Napoleon as its “Protector,” and was created as a buffer state from any future aggression from Austria, Russia, or Prussia against France.
    • Napoleon was doing what he did best, carving up Europe like a Thanksgiving turkey.
    • Where Napoleon couldn’t invade England or even dream of beating them at sea, he did find victory at beating them at economics. He came up with an idea to cripple the Brits by strangling them of their foreign imports (a strategy that would later be used by a one Adolph Hitler during WW2.) Napoleon’s strategy was known as the Continental System of European port blockades against British trade.
      • Note to self: if at war with England, the only hope of winning is to isolate the island and wait them out. See how long they can survive on fish and chips before they start turning on each other and feasting on their precious corgies… LOL. IDK where that came from LMAO
    • Napoleon beat the Russians in 1807 and forced their ruler Alexander I (1777 to 1825) to sign the Treaty of Tilsit for peace.
    • In 1809, Napoleon beat the Austrians… again at the battle of Wagram. This of course gave France even more land.
  • With all this land Napoleon thought it would be nice to give some of it to his ride-or-die homies. He started giving land and nobility to his most trusted friends and consequently recreating the French aristocracy which had been violently destroyed during the French Revolution.

DON’T INVADE RUSSIA DURING THE WINTER

  • But this is things started to go downhill for Napoleon. This was not an exponentially slippery slope mind you. Napoleon’s flame didn’t die out with a fizzle… but it did die out. And it started to die out when he made one of the greatest mistakes any military ruler could possibly make on this planet: He decided to invade Russian during winter.
    • Similar to how Napoleon shared success at strangling England of its foreign imports with Hitler… Well, making the MAJOR mistake of invading Russia during winter was another shared characteristic these European conquerors had. Historians beleive that invading Russia through winter is what ultimately sealed both Napoleon’s and Hitler’s doom.
    • It started with Russia deciding to withdraw from France’s Continental System in 1810, the Ruskies didn’t want to blockade England anymore. They decided it didn’t suit them.
    • Well, this didn’t sit well with Napoleon and his complex. His ego had grown so much at this point that instead of thinking this through, he just took a HUGE portion of France’s fighting force straight into Russia for a full-scale invasion in the summer of 1812.
    • The Russians knew how to play this one. They didn’t take on this strategic genius head-on. Instead, they would wait until Napoleon and his big ego would attack and retreat further inland. They knew Napoleon’s forces were big and nasty so instead of trying to fight head-on, they decided to be the flea on the back of the lion. They pestered him and prodded his ego. And every time they did Napoleon just went right after them. Bit by bit Napoleon went further and further, deeper and deeper into the heart of Russia.
    • Napoleon didn’t expect a long and drawn-out invasion. He expected his enemy to roll over. So the French troops were not prepared for a long campaign and they certainly were not prepared for the bitter cold they were about to face.
    • The Battle of Borodino ended with indecisive results. Both sides lost many troops and French morale dwindled. “Moscow is on the horizon men,” Napoleon promised his troops. “Think of the riches and glory!” (not direct quotes) But when French forces marched into Moscow they found no one was there. The Russians evacuated the city and told their citizens to burn the city to the ground in order to keep the Frenchies from feasting on their spoils.
    • What did Napoleon do? He waited. He thought if the Russians evacuated their own capital they would surrender to him, but that didn’t happen. An entire month of waiting had the Russian winter breathing down Napoleon’s neck. He reluctantly ordered his forces to leave Moscow without a surrender from his ever-fleeing enemy.
    • But as soon as Napoleon started to withdraw the Ruskies changed tactics. Instead of employing hit-and-run tactics, retreating at the first sign of attack from the French, the Russians were in all-out war mode now. They became super aggressive and treated the fleeing French forces without mercy. On his way out of Russia, Napoleon lost an estimated 500,000 troops from his original 600,000 invasion force.
    • The Russian invasion was bad, but everything happening around it made the situation even worse for Napoleon. While he was failing to invade Russia, the French were losing a 6-year-long war (the Peninsular War, 1808 to 1814) against the Spanish, Portuguese, and British.
    • In 1813, the Battle of Leipzig (AKA the Battle of Nations) saw Austria, Prussia, Russia, and Sweden all band together, calling themselves the Coalition, to show France the business. Napoleon couldn’t swing that victory and he lost.
    • After the Battle of Nations, Napoleon turned tail and ran back to Paris where he was pursued by the Coalition. They captured the city of Paris and made Napoleon own up to his decades-long acts of aggressive military campaigns across Europe.
  • After the French emperor invaded Russia and had Paris captured, he garnered quite a negative reputation in Europe and he was dethroned and lost his title…
    • In his mid-40s, Napoleon was forced to abdicate the throne and was exiled through the treaty of Fontainebleau.
    • Louis the 18th regained his French throne and exiled Napoleon to the little Italian island of Elba…
      • Sounds horrible, doesn’t it? Forced to live your days out on an Italian island out in the beautiful Mediterranean sea… LOL
      • And get this, Napoleon was even given sovereignty over the island… I mean, dayum! But for whatever reason, his wife and son did not accompany him. They went off to Austria.
    • But this is Napoleon we are talking about here… within 100 days of his exile from King Louis the 18th he escaped his island and was able to get back into France.
      • He sailed back to Franch with about 1,000 supporters. For some reason, his enemies thought it would be fine to give one of the most charismatic and politically powerful men in history rule over his own island. Like, the dude isn’t going to gather support and try something.
    • It was here where Napoleon convinced King Louis’s army (troops who formerly served under Napoleon) to not only let him go but to betray their official monarch and join forces with Napoleon again.
      • Napoleon, officially a fugitive in his own country now had rallied the armed forces sent to capture him to his side. He rode into Paris, welcomed by a roaring crowd. Kin Louis the 18th fled the country… France had chosen her true ruler.
  • This is when Napoleon started the Hundred Days Campaign
    • All of Napoleon’s old enemies that he had bullied for the last several decades, who thought they had finally gotten rid of this rabid Frenchie with the unfathomable cunning military mind, were now shitting bricks. Napoleon was back from nowhere and Europe was SWEATING.
    • They all heard how he was able to come from a tiny exile island to Emperor within less than a year. Fearing vengeance, Austria, Britain, Prussia, and the Russians started preparing for war.
    • Napoleon rallied an army in NO TIME and decided to strike his enemies before they could raise substantial armies of their own. He wanted to take them down one by one before they could band together. He started his preemptive strike on Belgium.
    • There he met the British and Prussian forces. On June 16th, Napoleon wiped the floor with them at the Battle of Ligny.
      • Europe’s knees were knocking… but then…
    • Two days after his victory at Ligny, on June 18th, was the infamous battle of Waterloo. One of the most famous battles of all time, one of the most important battles in history, Waterloo saw Napoleon’s forces absolutely crushed to oblivion.
      • Why he lost is up for debate. English sources will tell you it was due to English bravery and yada yada. Others say it was because Napoleon was well past his prime, fat, suffering from hemorrhoids, and lethargic. His orders were belated, and he delegated command of most of his army to young, inexperienced, and incompetent generals.
    • This time his enemies were not taking any chances with this powerhouse of charisma and strategic force that is Napoleon the first… This time England banished Napoleon to a small island in the south Atlantic ocean off the coast of Africa called St. Helena. There Napoleon would live out the rest of his life and where he died in 1821.
    • He was buried on the Island of St. Helena against his wishes which were to be laid to rest “on the banks of the Seine, among the French people I have loved so much.”
    • But in 1840 his body was taken to France and entombed in a crypt at Les Invalides in Paris. This is where French military leaders are laid to rest… a fitting spot.
  • “The only way to lead people is to show them a future: a leader is a dealer in hope.”
  • “Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.”
  • “Envy is a declaration of inferiority.”
  • “The reason most people fail instead of succeed is they trade what they want most for what they want at the moment.”
  • “If you wish to be a success in the world, promise everything, deliver nothing.”
-Napoleon Bonaparte
  • This episode was originally supposed to be just about the bizarre story of Napoleon’s weiner and how his mummified peepee was stolen and sold on black markets for the past few centuries, but then I felt the need to go over this man’s extraordinary life. So what I just read to you, his military career, rise to power, life as an emperor, and downfall… that was just a really long intro lol. Now we get into what the episode was originally going to be about: Napoleon’s SCHLONG!!!
  • How did Napoleon die?
    • Good question… one that is debated to this very day.
    • One of the leading theories is that he died of stomach cancer. The little emperor was also painted in his portraits with his hand in his vest. The thought is that he did this to relieve pain originating from his gut.
  • Ok, so Napoleon’s tomb is located in Paris. His body is kept in a huge granite sarcophagus which is housed inside a giant dome with beautiful art on the walls and ceiling.
    • But his sarcophagus doesn’t contain all of Napoleon’s remains.
  • You see, when Napoleon died in 1821, the French doctor Francesco Autommarchi decided to be wildly unprofessional as many 19th-century doctors were known to do lol.
    • He took souvenirs like Napoleon’s rib and more notably, his penis.
    • How do we know the good doctor took his penis? There were 17 people… 17 eyewitnesses watching him do this…
    • As I mentioned earlier, the rest of his body is buried on St. Helena island, an English-ruled island. But because they don’t know what to label the grave of their enemy, (Emporer, war criminal… it’s a toss-up) just unremarkably put “Here Lies Napoleon.” … Then his body was taken to Paris as I said to be entombed…
      • Fun fact, all the parallels I made between Napoleon and Hitler earlier… well Hitler personally visited Napoleon’s tomb during WW2… I’m starting to think these two were like Sith Master and Apprentice from Star Wars or something
    • After Doctor Francois takes the penis off the dead body he gifts it to Napoleon’s Chaplain, Abbe Ange Vignali… because who doesn’t want a shriveled emperor penis amIright?
    • Vignali takes the penis to the French island of Corsica, but he is killed in a blood vendetta. But Vignali made sure his family kept the Napoleon penis as a family heirloom… they kept it for over a century…
      • Because it stayed in the family for that long it leads one to believe that this family write in their last wills and testaments who gets the shriveled Napoleon weenie LOL
      • Promise I am not making this up
    • Then in 1924, the penis winds up in England in the possession of a book salesman. This dude cataloged the penis as “a mummified tendon.”
    • But Mr. Book salesman decided to sell it to an English collector, ASW Rosenbach for 400 bucks (British pounds). Rosenbach brought the mummy peepee to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA.
    • Rosenbach got the penis to go on display at the French Art Museum in New York City and newspaper articles described it as… unimpressive.
    • But in 1969 the Museum is not doing so well financially and tries to sell the penis back to Paris at auction… but they don’t want it. The Museum says, “well… do you want it for free?”
      • and the french are like “Nah dude. I don’t want that shit.”
    • Then 8 years later the penis is sold to a one Dr. John K Lattimer
      • Dr. Lattimer is one of the leading urologists in America and he bought this thing for $3,000 LOL
      • Dr. Lattimer was ALSO the urologist hired for the Nuremberg trials… for all the Nazis/
        • OK I’M CONVINCED NAPOLEON AND HITLER ARE LINKED SOMEHOW
      • Dr. Lattimer ALSO worked on the JFK assassination, keeping a part of the upholstery of the car JFK was shot in… it has a blood stain and everything.
      • Dr. Lattimer also has the blood-stained collar of Abraham Lincoln
    • “But what became of the penis?!?!” I hear you ask…
    • Dr. Lattimer didn’t dedicate it to a museum or anything. He brought it back to his home in New Jersey where his family still has it.
  • LET IT BE KNOWN!
    • There have been x-rays done on this thing and all they could confirm is that it is in fact a penis…
    • The French government’s official stance is that this is all made up… but who trusts the French?

THANKS FOR LISTENING WHO’D A THUNKERS!

UNTIL NEXT WEEK

*whispered* the penis is 1.5 inches long… mummified

CREDIT

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Dick Proenneke

The content below is from Episode 124 of the Who’d a Thunk It? Podcast

RECOMMENDATION SEGMENT

  • The Sandman
    • Neil Gaiman has written some of the coolest stories to have ever hit the page. One of his most popular characters is The Sandman.
    • The Sandman comics are dark, deep of thought, and captivating. And now there is a Netflix series which I think does the comic justice.
    • Here’s the plot
      • When the Sandman, aka Dream, the cosmic being who controls all dreams, is captured and held prisoner for more than a century, he must journey across different worlds and timelines to fix the chaos his absence has caused.
    • So I suggest you crack open a comic AND watch the Netflix series, but I know most people will just watch the series. Either way, enjoy!

NOW FOR THE MAIN EVENT

  • Richard Proenneke was born on May 4th, 1916 in Primrose Iowa.
    • His father made a living painting houses, drilling wells, and through carpentry. His name was William Christian Proenneke and he was a veteran of World War 1. His mother, Laura Proenneke was a gardener and housekeeper. The two married in 1909 and had 7 kids in total.
    • Richard or Dick Proenneke did attend school, but stopped attending high school after just 2 years because he didn’t see the point of it.
    • Typically seen as a free spirit, Dick spent his youth working as a driving contractor, farmer, and doing the usual odd job of an Iowa farmer. The call of the wild inspired him to get a Harley Davidson as a teenager.
      • While he loved nature and being out in it, he also loved to tinker with gadgets. Even with very little formal education at this point in his life, he was a whizz at taking apart machines and putting them back together.
      • So that was how he lived his life: mechanic by day and enjoying the natural world in his free time. That is until the next chapter of his life came around, a chapter that had the same title for virtually every person on the planet at the time.
    • Pearl Harbor occurred on December 7th, 1941… the very next day Dick Proenneke enlisted in the US Navy. (wow, what a sentence)… He served as a carpenter at Pearl Harbor and San Francisco. Towards the end of the war, he came down with rheumatic fever and was in the hospital when the war officially ended. According to one of his biographers and friend, Sam Keith, the illness was very revealing for Proenneke, who decided to devote the rest of his life to the strength and health of his body.
      • Rheumatic fever is an autoimmune disease that inflames the body’s tissues, such as the joints and heart. Healthcare providers may also call it acute rheumatic fever. It happens when the body’s immune system overreacts to a strep throat or scarlet fever infection that hasn’t been fully treated.
        • Apparently, Dick hadn’t had so much as the common cold before this. He probably had one hell of an immune system from being outside all the time. So you can see how this illness really shook him.
      • Perhaps this didn’t affect Dick the same way, but I couldn’t imagine how missing out on one of the greatest celebrations the world has ever seen would affect me. Imagine serving in the largest scale war that has occurred on the face of this Earth and when it ends you see the streets of the world celebrating, but you are stuck in a hospital bed… total bummer.
    • When the war was over and Dick had been medically discharged, he decided to become a diesel mechanic and pursued education to accomplish such. It turned out he had a knack for it. Dick was great at adapting to new environments, he was as sharp as a tack, and no one ever called the man lazy. It didn’t take long for him to garner the reputation of a skilled technician. But he didn’t feel fulfilled.
    • Dick left the promising life of a diesel mechanic to pursue a life in nature. He moved to Oregon to work on a sheep ranch and not long after moved to Shuyak Island Alaska in 1950.
    • There he worked as a heavy equipment operator/repairman at the Naval Air Station on Kodiak island. But once again, he couldn’t stay put. For years he hopped around Alaska working as a salmon fisherman, diesel tech, and employee for the Fish and Wildlife Service. His reputation as a skilled technician allowed him to save up enough money to retire early and THAT is when Dick Proenneke’s true story begins…
      • After living a life of enjoying nature and mechanic work, he had an accident welding one day that made him sway more towards nature. The welding accident nearly took his ability to see and just like his bout with rheumatic fever, it gave him perspective on his life. He decided to cherish his body and sight more and that’s what helped him decide to retire.
  • It was on May 21st of 1968 that Dick Proenneke did what most who love nature only dream of. He arrived at his new place of retirement, but really it was his first place of living, it was Twin Lakes Alaska.
    • He had prepared for this move by coordinating with retired Navy Captain Spire Carrithers and his wife Hope. He left his camper in their care and their permission to use their cabin as an initial base of operations in the area. Captain Carrithers’ cabin was in a beautiful spot on the lake and more importantly, it was close enough to the site Dick had picked out for his own cabin.
    • Dick constructed his cabin on the shores of Twin Lakes where he could wake up to the sounds of the wilderness, open his door to the sight of blue glaciers and giant pine trees, and live off the land for the next 3 decades.
    • Thanks to a PBS special that was popular for my parents’ generation, people associate Twin Lakes Alaska with Dick Proenneke himself, but before he came along in 1968 it was just known as a remote location for nature enthusiast tourists to soak up the wild splendor.
    • The natural landscape is made up of lakes that are deep and have a rich blue color to them. They sit at the bottom of tall snow-capped mountains, and of course filled with Alaska’s wild and tenacious flora and fauna.
  • When Dick showed up he wasn’t set on settling the area to make a town or tourist spot. He simply wanted to thrive alongside nature. He made his camp along the southern shores of the largest part of the lake. His skill as a carpenter allowed him to construct an impressive cabin from trees he processed all on his own. When he was finished he had a stone chimney, bunk beds, ingenious door hinges, and a wide window overlooking the lake.
    • This man constructed his own lakefront property out in the Alaskan wilderness. Although I respect the hell out of that, I plan on doing no such thing if I make it to retirement lol. I plan on traveling all over North America in a cozy camper with my wife… a much easier feat than Dick Proenneke’s retirement plan.
    • Although many would say he lived a simple life, I’d argue that Dick Proenneke’s years out at Twin Lakes Alaska were anything but simple. He was far away from the modern comforts we have all grown accustomed to here closer to the heartbeat of society. No electricity meant he had to heat himself and every meal by the fireplace. Without a refrigerator, he had to get creative with his food storage. During Alaska’s brutal seven-month winter he had to bury his food deep underground to keep it from freezing solid.
  • Dick’s time at Twin Lakes, his story there meant a lot to people and I think for 2 main reasons.
    • One: he was able to survive in such a harsh environment. If Dick ran out of food it would take him DAYS to reach the nearest market. If he had a catastrophic encounter with wildlife and needed medical attention or even just slipped and hurt himself that way it would still take days for rescue to reach him. If Dick was out fishing in his canoe and tipped it he would freeze within minutes. Yet despite all that, he managed to survive for over 30 years.
      • I’ve recommended the History channel’s Alone series that has contestants try to survive on their own in remote wilderness for as long as they can. The longest season of that lasted like 117 days… Dick puts that show to shame. It is a lost art living the way he did.
    • The other reason is that Dick didn’t just survive, he truly lived. The man was pursuing a mental state that most of us couldn’t even dream of today. He was out there by choice and he was happy. There were park rangers that stopped in to check on Dick every once in a while and when they recount their experience with Dick they saw him as a wise monk.
  • Although Dick has since passed away, he lives on through the cabin he built and the journal entries that he wrote while in his “retirement.”
    • “Was I equal to everything this wild land could throw at me?” he wrote in his diary
    • “I had seen its moods in late spring, summer and early fall,” that same entry continues. “But what about the winter? Would I love the isolation then? With its bone-stabbing cold, its ghostly silence? At age 51, I decided to find out.”
    • “I have found that some of the simplest things have given me the most pleasure,” he wrote in his diaries. “Did you ever pick blueberries after a summer rain? Pull on dry woolen socks after you’ve peeled off the wet ones? Come in out of the subzero and shiver yourself warm in front of a wood fire? The world is full of such things.”
    • Luckily there is no shortage of journal entries as Dick filled up over 250 notepads during his time at Twin Lakes. Thankfully he also kept a camera to record how he lived the way he did.
    • Through the power of editing and the memories he left behind, there have been documentaries, websites, and books about his life.
    • In 2004 there was a documentary titled Alone in the Wilderness that was release after Dick passed away.
  • You might imagine Dick living out his life in the cabin he built himself, going to sleep for the last time in his own paradise of solitude. But that’s not how it went down.
    • Dick didn’t let old age stop him from doing what he wanted to do. When young tourists (or visitors as Dick called them) would ask Dick about his favorite hiking trail, he would outpace them on their way up to his favorite rock.
    • But something changed in Dick. Instead of staying in Twin Lakes up until the very end, he decided to write his last chapter a little differently than the last 30 years.
    • In 1998, Dick packed his few belongings and moved to Hemet California to live out the rest of his life with his brother
  • He died of a stroke on April 20, 2003, at the age of 86. He willed his cabin to the National Park Service, and it remains a popular visitor attraction in the still-remote Twin Lakes region of Lake Clark National Park.
    • Sam Keith, who got to know Proenneke at the Kodiak Naval Station and went on numerous hunting and fishing trips with him, suggested that Proenneke’s journals might be the basis for a good book. In 1973, Keith published the book One Man’s Wilderness: An Alaskan Odyssey, based on Proenneke’s journals and photography.
    • After years in print it was reissued in a new format in 1999, winning that year’s National Outdoor Book Award (NOBA).
    • In his last message to the world, his last will and testament, Dick Proenneke left his cabin out on the southern shores of Twin Lakes Alaska to the rangers of the National Park Service as a gift.
      • The funny part is that Dick never owned that land or any land out there at all. He was technically gifting something that they already owned lol.

To live in a pristine land unchanged by man…
to roam a wilderness through which few other humans have passed…
to choose an idyllic site, cut trees and build a log cabin…
to be a self-sufficient craftsman, making what is needed from materials available…
to be not at odds with the world, but content with one’s own thoughts and company…Thousands have had such dreams, but Dick Proenneke lived them. He found a place, built a cabin, and stayed to become part of the country. This video “Alone in the Wilderness” is a simple account of the day-to-day explorations and activities he carried out alone, and the constant chain of nature’s events that kept him company.

– Sam Keith

CREDIT:

Millions of PBS viewers first met Dick Proenneke through the program “Alone in the Wilderness,” which documents Dick’s 30-year adventure in the Alaskan wilderness. On the shores of Twin Lakes, Dick built his cabin and nearly all of the household objects he required to survive, from the ingenious wooden hinges on his front door to the metal ice creepers he strapped to his boots.

And now, “The Handcrafted Life of Dick Proenneke” examines this adventure through the lens of Dick’s tools and the objects he made. Written by Monroe Robinson – the caretaker of Dick’s cabin and his personal effects – the book weaves together vintage photos and entries from Dick’s journals plus new drawings and images to paint a portrait of a man fully engaged in life and the natural world around him.

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Quicksand

The content below is from Episode 123 of the Who’d a Thunk It? Podcast

ANNOUNCEMENT

I dedicate this episode to my good friend Tanner Link. During my Bachelor Party, my friend Devon Heffley and I were talking about some other episodes he liked (his favorite is the Japan Cow episode). That is when Tanner turned around and said “You know, what is quicksand? THAT is something I would want to learn more about. As a kid I thought it was going to be a major problem to look out for, but I haven’t encountered quicksand… not even once!”

RECOMMENDATION SEGMENT

  • This week I recommend you watch the Terminal List on Amazon Prime.
    • I do like action movies. NOT ALL action movies/shows as a lot of them have lazy writing that steals ideas from about 100+ action movies that came before it, but some action stories stand out.
    • The Terminal List starring Chris Pratt is a stand-out action story.
    • Here’s the plot:
      • James Reece (played by Chris Pratt) returns home after his entire platoon of Navy SEALs is ambushed, only to discover new dark forces working against him and endangering the ones he loves.
    • I wasn’t sure if Chris Pratt could play a hard-hitting action hero in a serious story. Sure he has played a supporting character as a Navy Seal in Zero Dark Thirty, but he was a side character. And I know he has been awesome as Star Lord in the Guardians of the Galaxy movies, but he is comedic relief there.
    • I was surprised by how well he portrays an ultra-badass SEAL commander in this show.
    • He also worked out VERY hard for this role and his SEAL fitness training paid off. He looks JACKED, miles away from the chubby Andy from Parks and Rec.
Pratt on Parks and Rec
Pratt in Zero Dark Thirty
Pratt as Star Lord in Guardians fo the Galaxy
Pratt in the Terminal List
You have to respect a guy who goes from being a chubby dude living out of a van on the beach to playing Navy SEAL roles

NOW FOR THE MAIN EVENT

  • We all know about quicksand. It haunted our childhoods as this ominous ground formation promising nothing but a horror-filled death that could be lurking around any corner!
    • It was in so many movies from my childhood.
    • It was in a LOT of action-adventure films as a trope that any patch of ground could be deadly.
    • A character would be wandering around and all of a sudden they would look down and the camera would zoom out to reveal they have been sinking into the ground to their demise.
    • They would squirm to get free, but someone was always be around to remind them that struggling only made them sink faster.
    • If the character trapped in quicksand was lucky they would have a rope or vine to try and get out. Most characters escaped, but just barely while some were smothered with wet soil filling their lunges. Usually they had a hat or scarf that would be left floating at the surface as a grim reminder of the quicksand’s victim.
    • According to the BBC: “There are so many films featuring death by quicksand that Slate journalist Daniel Engbar has even tracked the peak quicksand years in film. In the 1960s, one in 35 films featured quicksands. They were in everything from Lawrence of Arabia to The Monkees.”
  • Quicksand claimed victims like…
    • Eddie Izzard died on: Renegade / Blueberry (2004) [Prosit]: Stumbles into quicksand and drowns.
    • William Shatner: The Hound of the Baskervilles (1972) [George Stapleton]: Drowned in a pool of quicksand when the hound knocks him into it. (Thanks to C.A.)
    • Roy Scheider: The Curse of the Living Corpse (1964) [Philip Sinclair]: Drowned in quicksand when Hugh Franklin knocks him into it, while Roy is trying to throw Candace Hilligoss into the quicksand.
    • Ron Perlman: Picture Windows: Lightning (1995) [Plummer]: Drowned in quicksand, while Kathleen Quinlan looks on, gleefully refusing to help him.
    • Gary Oldman: Sin (2003) [Charlie Strom]: Shot to death by Ving Rhames and sinks into the quicksand.
    • There are other victims on films such as the Princess Bride to Lawrence of Arabia
    • Most of these films were before the 2000s. With the most recent quicksand scene coming from Mel Gibson’s Apocalypto… with all of its historical inaccuracies, that movie was entertaining.
Blazing Saddles
Apocalypto
A mashup of a bunch of quicksand scenes throughout the ages
  • So what is this sinister material that has claimed the lives of such fictional Hollywood giants?
    • Quicksand is made of sand and moisture (water). Sand is made of fine granular materials like silt and clay. What makes sand quicksand is when it becomes saturated with water.
      • Saturation: the state or process that occurs when no more of something can be absorbed, combined with, or added.
      • The water causes the sand particles to separate and then can no longer support as much weight.
    • This is why quicksand most commonly occurs in river deltas.
    • Quicksand appears solid, but behaves like a liquid and cannot support something with great enough mass… such as an animal or person. It is spooky stuff on paper.
  • What actually happens when someone walks or runs onto quicksand?
    • The idea is that whatever being or object steps on the water-saturated sand will become trapped and sink to the bottom. The more they struggle the more they sink.
    • That’s partially true. You can become stuck in Quicksand, but typically only the legs become submerged. They are dense, but your torso (which contains air-filled lunges) is less likely to sink.
    • The sand separates when it is stepped on. The sand moves away from the force that is exuded upon it. That makes the leg (or whatever) sink further down, but when the sand mixes with water again the buoyancy increases and this allows the quicksand to support a dense object.
    • So when considering that quicksand occurs most frequently next to large bodies of water the danger increases. If someone is trapped in quicksand possibly up to their waist or even neck, they are vulnerable. And because quicksand occurs most frequently in river deltas and bays, a high tide could drown the trapped victim.
  • Nicola Raybone, a 33 year old British tourist was found dead in August of 2012 on the Caribbean island of Antigua.
    • Officials investigated this mysterious death and concluded that she had wandered onto quicksand and died when the high tide came in.
    • The coroner stated “Her family went to look for her but it was going dark. It was easy to sink deep into the sand. The beach sloped and it became pitch black. The tide that night was very rough and high.”
  • Quicksand also becomes quite dense and the pressure can cause damage to human tissue.
    • If someone is trapped for too long they can lose blood flow… That’s not good.
      • The intense pressure on your legs can cause deep vein thrombosis.
        • Deep vein thrombosis (DVT) occurs when a blood clot (thrombus) forms in one or more of the deep veins in the body, usually in the legs. Deep vein thrombosis can cause leg pain or swelling. Sometimes there are no noticeable symptoms. You can get DVT if you have certain medical conditions that affect how the blood clots.
      • If someone is unlucky enough to become trapped up to their neck, the pressure from the concrete-like quicksand can inhibit proper breathing.
  • What is the science behind quicksand?
    • Daniel Bonn from the University of Amsterdam was in Iran when he saw signs by a lake warning visitors of the dangers of quicksand. He took a small sample back to his lab, analyzed the proportions of clay, salt water and sand, and then recreated quicksand for his experiment.
    • Bonn’s research showed that just to release one foot, you would need to provide a force of 100,000 newtons – the equivalent of the strength to lift a medium-sized car.
    • Bonn’s team found that salt was an essential ingredient because it increased the instability of quicksand, leading to the formation of these dangerous areas of thick sediment. But then another team, this time from Switzerland and Brazil, discovered a kind of quicksand that doesn’t need salt. They tested samples from the shores of a lagoon in north eastern Brazil. They found that bacteria formed a crust on the top of the soil, giving the impression of a stable surface, but when stepped on the surface collapsed. But even then the good news is that basins formed from this kind of soil are very rarely deeper than the height of a human, so even if someone did slip into the quicksand they wouldn’t drown.  
  • What to do if trapped in quicksand?
    • Prevention can be effective.
      • Quicksand doesn’t envelope you up to your waist instantly. It takes anywhere from 5 to 10 minutes to be submerged up to your waist in super-saturated quicksand. So the best thing to do is try to get out of it yourself.
    • If it is past that point and you cannot get out, The first thing you want to do is call for help.
      • Panicking doesn’t help so try and calm yourself down. It can be terrifying to realize you are virtually helpless and stuck, but there is a very good chance you will get out of it. Try to call for help and urge someone to call coastguard rescue. They are trained to help in these situations.
      • But know that the extraction procedure isn’t simple. Rescue crews usually bring a big lightweight board with a hole cut out of the middle. They place the board around the victim and use the board to distribute their weight while they work on getting you out. The force necessary to get a victim out of quicksand can be equivalent to the force needed to tow a car, so they have their work cut out for them.
      • Rescue crews will use a hose attached to a special pole to flood the area around the trapped victim with water. This over-saturates the quicksand and increases the buoyancy.
    • If no one is around to call for rescue, try to sit down and lie down.
      • This makes your footprint bigger for your weight. It distributes your weight out more evenly and makes it more difficult for the quicksand to separate around you… it slows or halts your sinking.
      • According to the BBC: You need to wiggle your leg a little in order to introduce water to the sand around your feet to liquefy the sand again. The idea is to stay calm (which might be easier said than done), lean back and spread out to spread your weight more evenly and wait until you float back up to the surface.
        • I love how ambiguous and confusing that is “wiggle and wait to float back up to the top.” The physics of that make little sense to me.
  • Let’s recap for a second here:
    • Quicksand was made to look like a major dangerous threat for decades by Hollywood, but it doesn’t work like that.
    • Quicksand is actually sand that behaves like liquid after becoming saturated with water, but it doesn’t kill like it does in the movies because quicksand is denser than the human body.
    • Our limbs might get stuck, but we won’t sink completely.
    • Avoid quicksand, but if stuck you can call for help or try to lay flat to distribute your weight.
    • From the encyclopedia Britannica: “Moving won’t cause you to sink. In fact, slow back-and-forth movements can actually let water into the cavity around a trapped limb, loosening the quicksand’s hold. Getting out will take a while, though. Physicists have calculated that the force required to extract your foot from quicksand at a rate of one centimeter per second is roughly equal to the force needed to lift a medium-sized car. One genuine danger is that a person who is immobilized in quicksand could be engulfed and drowned by an incoming tide—quicksands often occur in tidal areas—but even these types of accidents are very rare.”
  • Ok, that is all fine and dandy. Quicksand isn’t nearly as dangerous as the movies make it out to be… but I just watched a dude from National Geographic’s show I Didn’t Know That voluntarily jump into quicksand and it looked terrifying…
    • The video is at the bottom of the blog if you’d like to check it out.
    • The Nat Geo guy went to a UK village that has loads of quicksand due to the town’s geography. He went to the local coast guard which has experience with quicksand rescue and made sure they were on standby to rescue him and then he just stood in the muckiest spot possible.
    • After I read how quicksand isn’t nearly as dangerous as you think from a bunch of sources, I expected it to be underwhelming and the host of the show would laugh about how tame the whole experience was… but that’s not what happened…
    • Nerdy Nat Geo guy started to sink and he was excited because it was his first time experiencing such a thing. I would probably be excited too because as long as I thought I was safe with the coast guard there, I would definitely be in that quicksand. And while this is all going on the most senior coast guard guy name George with all this many… many wrinkles and tough exterior was calm and almost bored looking.
    • Then NErdy NAt Geo science guy named Johnny started to express panic, “Um, I’m beginning to feel uncomfortable about the whole situation… could you please start rescuing me now?” LOL
      • It almost seemed like Coast Guard George was drunk and indifferent to the situation.
    • As Nat Geo Johnny was asking to be rescued, the Coast Guard was casually telling him how it could stop blood flow and cause a clot to form in his legs…
    • The whole situation didn’t seem as casual as all the encyclopedia sources said it was. It seemed downright horrible and I think MOST people would immediately start panicking when they realized they were completely immobilized.
    • Even if you get your nerve and start wiggling your way to freedom your will would be strained after an hour of only making very little progress to free yourself.
  • So My conclusion is that Quicksand doesn’t work like it does in the movies, but you should DEFINITELY avoid it. At the very least you are going to be exhausted, dirty, wet, and have a bunch of rescue people disgruntled. At the worst, you will be drowned. That is for wet quick sand…
  • Dry quicksand is another story.
    • If you fall into something like an agricultural silo full of grain you better hope there is help that can rescue you and that it is very close by.
    • There was a farmer from Germany who fell in to a big grain store silo back in 2002. He was able to call for help and a family member called for rescue, but by the time fire&rescue arrived and were able to determine the silo the man was trapped in, he was already stuck up to his armpits and sinking fast.
    • Every time this farmer took a breath it made his chest heave in and out. This made the grain fill in the room left after every exhale and increase the pressure on his chest.
    • They were able to get a doctor to see the farmer and provide a source of oxygen incase he sunk below is head. The doctor also put a harness around his chest to try and pull him up. But that is when the farmer started to have severe chest pains from the pressure and the doctor was incapacitated by an asthma attack from the grain dust.
    • Luckily this story ends well with the firefighters coming up with an unorthodox plan. They lowered a cylinder over the farmer’s body and sucked the grain out with an industrial vacuum. This kept the grain from falling any tighter around the farmer and he survived.
  • But that is not the typical result from someone sinking into dry quicksand.
    • A farmer in the UK was inspecting his corn stock for a weevil infestation when the grain gave way beneath him. The weevils, along with condensation and germination, had weakened the dry corn and created room for the massive pile to shift.
    • This had also caused a solid layer to build up at the top of the silo which the farmer Mr Nicholls decided needed to be cleared to enable the silo to be emptied.
    • He climbed into the silo and began delivering buckets of the corn when the pile he was standing on gave way. He began to sink fast. Mr Nicholls’s relative and farm hand Mark went in after him, but couldn’t find Mr Nicholls with his frantic digging.
    • “As soon as he went I jumped in straight after and tried to dig down to him, but I couldn’t reach him,” Mark said.
    • Mark raised an alarm, but because Mr Nicholls didn’t have a harness on when he went in, he was considered dead almost immediately.
    • Apparently, this happens quite frequently and everyone is discouraged from ever entering a silo with free-flowing grain.
  • So yeah, that’s horrifying. I still think wet quicksand is horrible. I started this episode thinking I was going to totally debunk quicksand and how it wasn’t dangerous at all. Turns out that wet quicksand is a terrifying experience in the best-case scenario where rescue crews are on standby and you CAN die from it. And Dry quicksand is an almost guaranteed death.
  • The only reassuring thing here is that you probably won’t encounter quicksand in your life. Just be cautious around sandy waterways, rainforests, wet concrete, and grain silos, and you should be fine.

THANKS FOR LISTENING (and reading) WHO’D A THUNKERS!

Until next week

CREDIT:

1:00
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Morse Code

The content below is from Episode 122 of the Who’d a Thunk It? Podcast

RECOMMENDATION SEGMENT

  • This week I recommend you go to your local farmers’ market
    • Shannon and I go every Saturday morning and we have a blast.
    • We don’t usually fulfill all of our grocery needs there, but we do get a lot of the essentials like bread, meat, dairy, vegetables, fruit, coffee, honey, hummus, and there is this Mushroom stand that just sells delicious mushrooms.
    • It is a fun experience because there are a bunch of stands that make food to eat right there. You can get freshly fried pierogies, baked goods, and an entire assortment of fresh Greek fusion food.
    • Not everything at the farmers’ market is the right price. Some things you can buy for a bargain and other items cost like 3 times what they would at a grocery store, so you just buy what you can.
    • So every Saturday morning we eat, shop, and enjoy each other’s company. It is delightful. Plus, our money is going right back into our local economy instead of a big grocery chain.
    • So check out your local farmers’ market. It has become one of my most cherished additions to our weekly routine.

NOW FOR THE MAIN EVENT

  • This week’s episode is about Morse Code
    • What is Morse Code? Oxford Languages defines it as an alphabet or code in which letters are represented by combinations of long and short signals of light or sound.
From Merriam-Webster
  • Morse code is an efficient way to communicate about emergency situations since you can send such messages via ham radio transmitters with little power and less bandwidth than other standard voice communication tools.
    • Morse code transmits letters using 2 different kinds of signals: short duration and long duration, or sometimes referred to as Dots and Dashes.
    • As morse code requires limited bandwidth, it was ideal for transmission via Short Wave Radio (HF). A skilled morse operator could still ‘read’ the text even if the signal was noisy and disturbed. Morse code was heavily used for (secret) transmissions during WWI and WWII.
    • Morse code is a VERY effective communication tool and my interest in communication is only cemented by my Master’s Degree in the subject. So yeah, I find this stuff pretty interesting.
      • I better, I’m still paying for that damn degree LOL

Samuel Morse with his Recorder by Brady, 1857
  • It was created in the 1800s and has a rather remarkable origin story.
    • Samuel Finley Breese Morse was born in 1791 and died in 1872. You might be able to tell by his name that he was the inventor of Morse code… but he did so much more.
    • He was born in Charlestown, Massachusetts, the first child of the pastor Jedidiah Morse[1] (1761–1826), who was also a geographer, and his wife Elizabeth Ann Finley Breese (1766–1828)

Birthplace of Morse, Charlestown, Massachusetts, c. 1898 photo
Dying Hercules, Morse’s early masterpiece
Jonas Platt, New York politician, by Morse. Oil on canvas, 1828, Brooklyn Museum.

The Chapel of the Virgin at Subiaco,
 1830
The Gallery of the Louvre 1831–33
  • His painting career was going well. He was commissioned to paint a portrait of Marquis de Lafayette.
    • SIDE NOTE: If you don’t know who that is, you should. His name is all over America. Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de La Fayette, known in the United States as Lafayette, was a French aristocrat and military officer who fought in the American Revolutionary War, commanding American troops in several battles, including the siege of Yorktown. There are countless towns, buildings, colleges, etc. named after Lafayette. He was a badass and a true ally to the American people.
  • Anyway, I digress. Morse was tasked with painting a portrait of this badass Frenchie Lafayette.
    • This prestigious painting project started out with a simple study of Lafayette’s face to get the details down, but the portrait was never finished.
Morse’s portrait of Lafayette
  • It was never finished because While he was working on Lafayette’s portrait, Morse received a letter from a messenger on horseback that his wife Lucretia was ill.
    • Morse rushed away from his unfinished portrait to be by his wife’s side. She was quite far away and people traveled by horseback at the time so it was days before he reached her.
    • Before Morse could reach his wife Lucretia, she died. Lucretia died on February 7, 1825, of a heart attack shortly after the birth of their third child.(Susan b. 1819, Charles b. 1823, James b. 1825).
    • Not only did Morse arrive too late to be there for his lover’s final moments, but by the time he arrived, she had already been buried.
    • Stricken with grief, Morse was so upset by how slow the message took to reach him on horseback that he set his sights on a faster form of communication. He got to work developing his own electronic communication device, a telegraph. In this process, he created Morse code, the most efficient form of long-range communication the world had ever seen.
    • On May 24, 1844, Samuel F. B. Morse dispatched the first telegraphic message over an experimental line from Washington, D.C., to Baltimore. The message, taken from the Bible, Numbers 23:23 and recorded on a paper tape, had been suggested to Morse by Annie Ellsworth, the young daughter of a friend.
  • I don’t know about you, but I think that is ONE HELL OF an origin story for a form of communication.
    • I don’t know his personality or how exactly he reacted when he found his wife buried, but my mind imagines a man so frustrated with the way the world works that he changed it.
    • I like to think his grief was turned into such a powerful form of anger and determination that he used his earlier education at Phillips Academy and Yale to create a form of communication so efficient that it is still used today, almost 200 years later.
  • Morse code isn’t the easiest to learn or memorize because the sequence of dots and dashes per each letter doesn’t go in the same order as the alphabet.
    • Meaning that it does NOT go in the order of the letter A having 1 dot, B has 2 dots, C has 3 dots, D has 1 dot and 1 dash… no
    • Morse designed the code to be efficient as possible right… so he designated the shortest sequences of dots and dashes to the most frequent letters used in the English language.
      • A source for this podcast is the Youtube channel D!NG where Michael (aka VSauce) in his uniquely delightful and quirky self breaks down some of the easiest ways to memorize Morse Code. The video is at the bottom of the blog. I would tell you the title for the video... but it is written in Morse Code lol
      • • − − • • • − • − • • • − − •
  • Michael also highlighted some of the more interesting uses of Morse Code in our world throughout history
    • Such as how the Capitol Records building in Hollywood blinks in Morse Code every night
  • The Colonel Jose Espejo put Morse Code into a pop song.
    • He hid the message because of a hostage situation. The Colonel was trying to save hostages who he was fairly certain had access to radios and knew Morse code. The Colonel was also fairly certain that their captors (the Farc Terrorists) did not know Morse Code.
    • The message that the Colonel hid in the song translates to: “19 rescued. You’re next. Don’t lose hope.”
      • The song was Better Days by Natalia Gutierrez Y Angelo
    • On the blog I included a 2 minutes Youtube video that explains this situation and shows the Colonel’s briefing. The video by “DDB Worldwide” had this in the description: “In Colombia, kidnapped policemen and soldiers have been held by guerilla forces for more than 12 years, hearing only the news that the guerillas want them to hear. As prisoners are allowed to listen to music on the radio, DDB Colombia created a song with a hidden message. The beat was actually Morse code, letting prisoners know how many victims have been rescued and that they will soon be as well. For the first time in over a decade the voice of the Military Forces of Colombia broke through guerilla enemy lines with the power of information and gave their men strength and hope.”
  • In World War II Major Alexis Casdagli, a British POW, was held captive in a bunch of different Nazi Prison camps.
    • He was held prisoner for 4 years.
    • He was captured at the battle of Crete and marched up Greece for six weeks before being flown to north Germany.
    • Having run a textiles company before the war he knew a little about sewing, so when he was given a canvas by another prisoner he started stitching for something to do.
    • In December of 1941 he sewed a canvas that reads in plain English:
  • However, when you take note of those dots and dashes in the border around the message you notice it is Morse code.
    • Instead of spotting the comments, his Nazi captors put the canvas on display in the castle where he was being held and subsequently three other prison camps.
    • There are two hidden Morse Code messages.
      • One reads: God Save the King
      • The other: Fuck Hitler
  • During the Vietnam War there was a guy named Jeremiah Andrew Denton Jr.
    • He was serving on USS Independence (CVA-62), when he was shot down on July 18, 1965 on a combat mission over North Vietnam. He was captured by local Vietnamese army troops shortly after being shot down near Thanh Hoa, about seventy miles south of Hanoi. That was the day Denton became a POW of the Vietnam war.
    • On May 2, 1966, as part of a propaganda campaign, the North Vietnamese arranged for him to be interviewed for television by a Japanese reporter. 
    • While speaking on camera, he blinked in Morse code the word “T-O-R-T-U-R-E.” Eventually, the videotape was widely circulated and reviewed by U.S. Naval Intelligence. Denton’s one-word report, delivered in Morse code, was the first clear confirmation received by U.S. Intelligence that American POWs were, in fact, being tortured.
  • Morse Code is cool. At one point as a kid I wanted to memorize it because I thought it would be a neat little party trick. LOL
    • But I realized that wasn’t really necessary. As long as I could recognize a message being in morse code and then google the translation I would be able to read it without hours of practice.

THANKS FOR LISTENING WHO’D A THUNKERS!

UNTIL NEXT WEEK

CREDIT

VSauce breaks down Morse code in his usual quirky way.
Notice how his blinking is irregular… that is Morse code
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Flying Cephalopods

The content below is from Episode 121 of the Who’d a Thunk It? Podcast

RECOMMENDATION SEGMENT

  • This week I recommend you watch the History Channel’s ALONE.
    • Alone is an American adventure reality game show on History. It follows the self-documented daily struggles of 10 individuals (seven paired teams in season 4) as they survive alone in the wilderness for as long as possible using a limited amount of survival equipment. With the exception of medical check-ins, the participants are isolated from each other and all other humans. They may “tap out” at any time, or be removed due to failing a medical check-in. The contestant who remains the longest wins a grand prize of $500,000. The seasons have been filmed across a range of remote locations, usually on Indigenous-controlled lands, including northern Vancouver Island, British Columbia, Nahuel Huapi National Park in Argentine Patagonia, northern MongoliaGreat Slave Lake in the Northwest Territories, and Chilko Lake in interior British Columbia.
      • Contestants are dropped off in a remote wilderness area, far enough apart to ensure that they will not come in contact with one another. The process begins in mid to late autumn; this adds time pressure to the survival experience as the approaching winter causes temperatures to drop and food to become scarce. Although terrains may differ in each contestant’s location, the drop-off zones are assessed in advance to ensure a similar distribution of local resources is available to each contestant.
      • Contestants each select 10 items of survival gear from a pre-approved list of 40, and are issued a kit of standard equipment, clothing and first aid/emergency supplies. They are also given a set of cameras to document their daily experiences and emotions. Attempting to live in the wild for as long as possible, the contestants must find food, build shelters, and endure deep isolation, physical deprivation and psychological stress.
      •  Contestants are warned that the show might last for up to a year.
    • Unlike most reality TV shows, ALONE is completely unscripted. It is the most realistic reality show I have ever seen.
    • It might sound boring to some, but if you have any interest in the outdoors at all, you will enjoy Alone.
    • The winner of season 6 was on the Joe Rogan Experience and that I how I heard about the show.
  • Alone makes me want to build a prehistoric subterranian dwelling in my backyard, set up fish traps, and try to make my own bow to go hunting.
    • It unlocks a very specific kind of curiosity and call to adventure.
    • But what the participants go through is NOT easy. It is one of the most difficult challenges anyone can undertake.
    • Nature and isolation have a way of bringing all the things you subconsciously ignore or distract from to the forefront of your mind. Aside from the physical challenges of predators, hypothermia, and starvation, these people are put through a mental gauntlet of pain and stress. And some of them just cannot take it.
    • Minor spoiler here: I’m watching season 8 now and one guy said in the first few days of his trip that he will miss his family and that his young daughter passed away not too long before he went on Alone. Well, just a few weeks into his stay, after displaying some very impressive survival skills, he turned to face his camera and gave a speech that brought me to tears. He talked about his daughter’s passing and how he couldn’t face that pain head on without his wife and son by his side. While other contestants suffer severe starvation (some losing over 60 pounds) and injury, this guy walked away from $500,000 in good physical health… and I didn’t blame him.
    • I rarely judge these people for tapping out because it just seems so damn difficult.

NOW FOR THE MAIN EVENT

  • In 1947 there was a Scandinavian expedition that included 6 explorers out at sea, specifically in the Pacific Ocean. These 6 men saw something that had previously been undocumented and took them by surprise.
    • As they sped across the world’s largest ocean with their boat, they kept noticing squid on the roof. This was particularly puzzling because squid are known to stay in the depths of the ocean. Some species stay so deep that they are only seen dead and washed ashore.
    • They saw these poor creatures being baked by the sun’s rays atop their vessel’s roof and tried to find out how they got there. They looked up to the sky as if they might see sea creatures being rained down upon them from the heavens… but of course, they saw no such thing.
      • Fun Fact: sometimes fish, jellyfish, and other sea creatures do “rain down,” but that is due to heavy-duty vortex winds that suck up large amounts of seawater at a time and then deposit them across great distances. I know this sounds crazy, but it is a real thing. CLICK THIS LINK TO LEARN MORE
        • That is not what was happening here. These squid were not raining down from the sky.
    • If there were no squid raining down from the sky then how did these deep sea dwellers get there? All of a sudden one of the 6 explorers spots something out of the corner of his eye: it was something flying above the waves. He called his fellow explorers and they all gazed out at numbers of squid gliding through the air for about 50 meters (or about 55 yards) at a time.
    • When these explorers reached land again they tried telling their story, but no one believed them. They were telling people that sea creatures that had no bones, let alone wings, were soaring through the air at about half the length of a football field.
    • But then the world began to take notice.
      • Other sailors started to look out of the windows of their motorboats and see squid flying next to their boats and keeping pace with their engines.
      • Sea biologists began filing reports of captive squid fleeing their tanks somehow when they weren’t looking.
      • THIS WAS REALLY HAPPENING
    • Then the camera became more of a household item and photo evidence was taken of squid freaking flying through the air.
Sorry, I couldn’t resist. I googled “photos of flying squid” and this image was one of the results. It is from the popular video game Minecraft. This is a squid from the game that is glitching out by being in the air. It made me chuckle.
  • So now the world believed those 6 Scandinavian explorers, or at least some people did. I myself didn’t hear about this phenomenon until I watched a 5-minute TEDTalk about it just a few years ago.
  • But how and why would squid fly?
    • Their physical makeup is so different from other flying creatures and one would think flying into the air would be an invitation for birds to easily pick these tasty morsels up for a meal.
    • It is important to note that not all squid species can fly. In fact, most of them cannot. Only a select few species can take flight.
    • But all squid do use the same method of propulsion to get around.
      • Squid use their Mantle (the largest part of their body that we typically think of as their head) to suck up the surrounding water and then it uses the massive Mantle muscles to push out the water at a high velocity near their mouth at the base of their body.
      • They are basically water jetpack creatures. That is why they are always seen swimming backward from the vantage point of their tentacles. Their cone heads, or mantles, are always in the front when they are traversing the ocean.
  • This method of propulsion is also how they breathe. Inside that giant mantle are gills and when they are forcing water over those gills they are supplying them with oxygen.
    • Most squid use this method of movement to swim away from predators or hunt prey, but some use it to take flight out here in Earth’s atmosphere.
    • The difference being that once a squid breaks the barrier between dense water and light air their acceleration changes. These creatures move around at about 10 km/hr (6.2 mph) in the water, but once they reach the thin air they go from 0 to 100km/hr (0 to 62mph) in just 1 second.
    • At 40km/hr (29 mph) the squid creates an aerodynamic lift. This is where their weird head flap things come into play, and also their weird cephalopod characteristics.
  • Their head flaps act as a steering mechanism while their muscular hydrostats for tentacles act as wings.
    • This is almost too weird to comprehend, but just look at cephalopods (octopus, squids, cuttlefish, nautilus, etc.) they are so different from us evolutionarily speaking that their behavior and abilities seem alien.
    • A squid’s tentacles are muscular hydrostats and that means the connective tissue can be kept firm with muscular tension being applied. They sprawl out their tentacles in a rigid formation and basically create wings in an instant.
      • To me that is cool, but also horrifying and I start imagining flying vampire squid soaring through the air to suck my blood.
        • Fun Fact: the Vampire Squid is an actual species and it looks like this:
  • Their muscular hydrostatic tentacle wings make up the bulk of the winged force, but those head flaps (which are typically used for gentle swimming and directional maneuvering are now used as a 2nd set of wings out in the open air.
    • Most squid can fly as high as 6 meters (20 feet) above the water, but most stay as close to the water as possible to travel as far as they can horizontally.
    • Although there haven’t been too many flying squid sightings, the thought is that they stay close to the water’s surface so that they can easily dip back down for more fuel. Biologists also think they might stay close to make a quick getaway from any would-be bird predators.
  • So that’s the how… but what about the why?
    • why would a squid decide to take flight?
    • Some think they are fleeing from a nearby predator. Since they are seen near ships, they might be perceiving our human vessels as predators and take flight to get away.
      • This would be quite an effective strategy. Could you imagine it from the fish’s perspective? It is about to secure a meal and all of a sudden it juts out into a realm that is virtually inaccessible to you. It would be like going to take a bight out of a cheeseburger and then watching as that cheeseburger slips into a different dimension.
    • Others suggest the squid fly to save energy on their migration patterns. It takes less energy to zip through the air at 60mph than it does to slowly sludge through the thick water.
    • The other thought is that smaller squid take flight to get away from larger squid. Squids cannibalize each other. The larger and older squid eat the smaller and younger squid. So perhaps flying is an essential part of growing up for squid.
    • Sort of similar to bullying at the adolescent age for humans, squid avoid being victimized by the larger squid because they can soar faster and farther than the large squid.
  • Whatever the reason, I find it mind-blowing that squid can fly, and if I ever see it in the wild I will probably start geeking out immediately.

THANKS FOR LISTENING (OR READING) WHO’D A THUNKERS!

UNTIL NEXT TIME

CREDIT

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's a squid
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The Dyatlov Pass Incident

The content below is from Episode 120 of the Who’d a Thunk It? Podcast

UPDATES

  • Back in December of 2021 I published episode #88 “James Webb Space Telescope” where I talked about the exciting new era of scientific discovery brought about by a MASSIVE project taken on by NASA, Canada, and European space agencies
  • Then I touched back on Webb in episode #94 “DART, Webb, And Other STEM Updates.”
  • Well, as I write this episode I am watching NASA’s live broadcast of the first images collected by the James Webb Space Telescope. By the time you hear this, the images will have been made public.
  • The broadcast was filled with technical issues which was not surprising because they were coordinating live streams all across the world. But the science was great and the images are breathtaking.

RECOMMENDATION SEGMENT

  • This week I recommend you watch Vinland Saga on Netflix.
    • I think I have recommended this show before when it was available on Amazon video but only with Japanese dialogue and English subtitles.
    • Now the show is on Netflix with English dubbed audio which typically appeals to a wider audience over here in the states.
    • The show follows the story of Thorfinn, a young Viking boy in the 11th century. During the time of the Viking occupation of England, Leif Erickson, and the Norse mass conversion to Christianity you follow young Thorfinn’s journey of vengeance.
    • The show has tons of brutal fight scenes, gore, and complex combat, but the underlying theme of the entire show is humanity’s struggle between violence and pacifism. During this time in history the Norse world was struggling between two philosophies: Rage against the world, go out with a fight! – OR – embrace peace and live in harmony with the world.
    • This show sucked me in with its fantastical fight scenes but kept me watching with the thought-provoking philosophical dialogue.

NOW FOR THE MAIN EVENT

  • I’m watching The UnXplained with William Shatner and the first episode is titled “Evil Places.” They talk about Japan’s suicide forest and a couple other spooky places. The main theme is that “oh no, lots of people died here and/or were buried here. It must be haunted… Then a thought occurred to me: I bet almost ALL places on Earth have had people die onsite or near it. So I went to mathematics to help:
    • 488,648,294,112 (square feet of land on Earth, roughly) / 110,000,000,000 (people who have died on Earth, roughly) = 4.4 (the number of square feet away you are from a spot where someone died, roughly).
      • 488,648,294,112 / 110,000,000,000 = 4.4422572192
    • Of course, that would imply that every death that has ever occurred happened at an equally spread out distance… which is preposterous. There are some places that humans frequent more often than others. Many more people have strolled along the Mediterranean sea than have visited the summit of Mount Everest. And where people are more likely to be is where more people have died, because as far as we know, every person has and will die.
    • But even the idea that someone has died within 4.4 square feet of wherever you are on Earth’s land surface is almost certainly wrong… doesn’t that mean that all the lava fields, icy mountain peaks, deserts, and all the other inhospitable places just decrease the average distance that someone has died near you?
    • Think about it, that 488,648,294,112 square feet number would be noticeably smaller if we took out all the inhospitable places. That would decrease the 4.4 square feet number. And again, this is all based on the idea that all deaths happened equally far away from each other… which they almost certainly have not… Wow, what a tangent. What I’m getting at is… if you are currently in a relatively pleasant environment right now then you are probably standing/sitting/or laying in the exact spot where someone has died… and that is all the time.
    • So the notion that a place becomes more haunted the more people who die there is founded on paranoid crappy thinking. If that were the case then everywhere is haunted all the time and only becomes more haunted the more humans are born and eventually die on this planet.
    • Now, one could make the argument that some deaths are more “evil” or “tragic” than others, but I would argue all deaths are tragic and what Evil is… that not something that can be defined in a tangible way. It is a concept of morality.
  • So anyway… after realizing the show got me to think that deeply about it I thought “why not do an episode on one of the subjects.”
    • So this episode of Who’d a Thunk It? is about the Dyatlov Pass Incident, a topic covered in episode 1 of the William Shatners UnXplained.
  • The Dyatlov Pass incident was about 9 hikers in the Soviet Union that tragically and mysteriously died in the Ural Mountains in February of 1959.
    • The group was made up of a bunch of students from the Ural Polytechnical Institute and the man leading the trek was 23-year-old hiker named Igor Alekseyevich Dyatlov. Before he left, Dyatlov had told his sports club that he and his team would send them a telegram as soon as they returned. Sometime during the beginning of their journey, they made camp on the eastern slope of Kholat Syakhl.
    • For no obvious reason, the group decided to cut their way OUT of their tents and run away from their campsite in the middle of the night. Remember this was the northern Ural Mountains in Soviet Russia. It was subzero temperatures and the group was still in their pajamas.
    • The Soviets launched an investigation and were shocked to find that only 6 out of the 9 that went on the journey had died from hypothermia. The other 3 students had perished from some sort of physical trauma.
      • One of the victims died from a massive skull fracture.
      • Two had severe physical trauma to the chest.
      • Another victim did have a small crack in his skull
      • Four of the bodies were found lying in a creek of running water, not frozen by the Russian winter
        • Three of the bodies found in the creek had soft-tissue damage specifically to the head and face
      • Two bodies had missing eyes
      • One body was missing its tongue
      • One victim had no eyebrows
      • Some of these victims looked as if they had been hit by a speeding motor vehicle.
    • One of the most notable quotes from the Soviet’s investigation was that these trekkers died from a “compelling natural force.” Which is bureaucrat for “we don’t know what happened.”
    • This of course has led to many theories coming out, some more outlandish than others.
      • Over the decades people have guessed that animal attacks, hypothermia, an avalanchekatabatic windsinfrasound-induced panic, military involvement, or some combination of these factors.
      • Others have thought Yetis, satanic rituals, and of course… aliens are to blame.
  • The group did keep journals and numerous cameras. You can look at the images HERE.
    • These journals and images have allowed amateur sleuths to piece together the trek to Otorten a little bit better than the Soviet investigation that seemed to only want a quick cover-up.
    • On February 1st the group set out on an unnamed pass to Otorten.
      • Since this incident, the pass has been deemed the Dyatlov Pass.
    • The 9 hikers or trekkers willingly set out into this cold harsh weather toward the base of Otorten Mountain. They were hit hard by blinding snowstorms. The intensity of these storms was only amplified by the narrow valley pass. The bad weather was being funneled toward them.
    • The visibility was so sparse that the group lost their sense of direction. Instead of heading towards Otorten mountain, they had deviated to the west. Off course, they found themselves on the slope of a different mountain, Kholat Syakhl which means “Dead Mountain” in the native Mansi language.
    • For an unknown reason, Dyatlov chose to make camp on this mountain’s slope. Many have questioned the choice to camp on this slope because it is inherently more difficult.
      • Nearby was flat ground with tree cover, a perfect camping site. So why did they choose the more difficult campsite?
      • There are theories like they didn’t want to lose the altitude they had gained, they wanted to practice camping on a slope, or perhaps the visibility was so bad they didn’t know where else to go.
    • Regardless of the reasoning, this campsite would be their grave.
  • After about 20 days with no word from Dyatlov, a search party made up of volunteers was deployed. They found the campsite, but none of their friends.
    • That’s when the military and cops got involved with their investigation. One of the first observations made by officials was that even though this group was relatively experienced in trekking across Russia’s terrain, they had chosen a VERY difficult path. They expected the worst. Especially when they considered the amount of time since they went missing (20 days in far below freezing temperatures), the official search and rescue party was looking for bodies… not living people. They expected an open-shut case.
    • We know they found bodies, but it was the state they were in that made this a more complicated case.
  • They found the tent completely destroyed and were able to prove that it had been cut from the inside with many of the hikers’ shoes still left inside.
    • There were about 9 sets of footprints leading from camp to the edge of the nearby woods (1 mile from camp). These footprints were made with bare feet, socks-only, or even one-shoed feet.
    • At the forest’s edge, under a large cedar, the investigators found the remains of a small fire and the first two bodies: Yuri Krivonischenko, 23, and Yuri Doroshenko, 21. Despite temperatures of −13 to −22°F on the night of their deaths, both men’s bodies were found shoeless and wearing only underwear.
      • This is when things began to point towards madness
  • Then they found the next 3 bodies. They found the leader of the group Dyatlov, Zinaida Kolmogorova (22 years old), and Rustem Slobodin (23 years old). They appeared to have died on their way back to camp from the cedar trees.
  • These 5 bodies died from hypothermia. The investigators admitted the placement of their bodies was odd, the circumstances in which they were found. But the cause of death was typical.
    • But what about the circumstances?
    • Doroshenko’s body was a brownish-purple color and he had gray foam and liquid coming from his mouth.
    • The two bodies found under the cedar tree had their hands scraped so badly that the skin was gone from their palms. The branches in the tree above them were ripped from the tree.
      • This leads many to think they were trying to climb the tree frantically or possibly something was up in the tree.
    • Slobodin’s head was battered similar to someone who had hit their head from a fall… but many times over.
    • Kolmogorova had a rod shaped bruise on her side.
    • And why were they all underdressed wearing clothes that didn’t necessarily belong to them?
      • This led investigators to believe the group left in a hurry. They weren’t inexperienced, they knew how dangerous the cold was, and yet something made them flee into the freezing cold in their underwear and without shoes.
  • Months later the other 4 bodies were found… and thats’ when things really got crazy.
    • The other 4 were found buried in the snow down in a ravine about 250 feet farther into the woods than the cedar tree. This ravine is now known as the Dyatlov Pass den.
    • One of the hikers by the name Nikolai Thibeaux-Brignolles (age 23) had severe skull damage right before his death.
    • Lyudmila Dubinina (age 20) and Semyon Zolotaryov (age 38) had injuries to their chests that were comparable to a being hit by a car.
    • The most terrifying body was that of poor Dubinina who was missing her tongue, eyes, and part of her lips. Entire parts of her facial tissue and skull were missing.
Dubinina on her knees up against a rock in the Dyatlov Pass den
  • The bodies found in the den told a more complex story than those found nearer the camp.
    • Alexander Kolevatov (age 24) was in the den, yet he seemed to not suffer any of the wounds found on the others in the den.
    • There was evidence to suggest the victims in the den died at different times because the clothing was stripped from those who died first.
    • Krivonischenko’s wool pants were used to wrap Dubinina’s foot.
    • Zolotaryov’s body had Dubinina’s fur coat and hat on it at the time of death
    • Then there is the fact that there were trace amounts of harmful radiation on their clothing!
Kolevatov, Zolotaryov, and Thibeaux-Brignolles in the Dyatlov Pass den
  • The officials tasked with providing an explanation, the Soviets, just sort of gave a vague answer and suggested it was the hikers’ fault for not understanding the climate they were in… but they were experienced hikers.
    • Some Russian citizens thought maybe the local Mansi tribesmen attacked the group. But that didn’t stick for long. The Mansi are a peaceful group and there was no evidence that other people had attacked them. No additional footprints and the force needed to cause some of the damage exceeded what a human could inflict on another.
    • They thought maybe an avalanche was to blame. Perhaps the loud noise that precedes an avalanche was what caused the group to flee from their camp. And an avalanche would be enough force to cause the horrific injuries.
      • But there was no evidence of an avalanche. No debris, no broken trees, and no avalanches were recorded in that area before or since the Dyatlov Pass incident.
The Mansi people
Kolevatov and Zolotaryov.
  • So what theories have been proposed in the decades since the incident in 1959?
    • Some think that hypothermia is to blame for the lack of clothing on the victims. Hypothermia decreases critical thinking and in many cases causes the victim to think they are burning hot when they are actually freezing to death.
      • But why would they flee from their warm tent in the first place?
    • The injuries on the bodies in the ravine are from a terrible fall into the very same ravine.
    • Perhaps there was an argument that got out of hand? There was a bit of a romantic love quarrel going on in the group of young adults.
      • But many of the group’s friends said they got along well.
      • Plus, we already said the damage done to the bodies exceeded what another human could inflict
    • That’s when people started to suggest a menk, or a Russian Yeti was to blame.
      • Yetis or Menks are largely considered to not be real and more like folklore. But the creatures are said to be insanely strong and savage. This is why some conspiracy theorists think the Menk is to blame.
      • I would argue that the missing tissue from Dubinina’s face could have been done by a small scavenger animal or even the running water in which her face is found.
  • Others think it was the result of some top secret Soviet radiation weapon. People thought this would explain the radioactive clothing and the fact that at their funerals the corpses had a slightly orange, withered cast on them.
    • But if they died from radiation, there would have been more radiation found than trace amounts on some of the clothing. And the orange skin was because the bodies had partially mummified from the cold. Similar orange skin is found on victims from other hypothermic deaths on hikes all the time.
    • From the website AllThingsInteresting.com :
      • “The secret weapon explanation is popular because it is partially supported by the testimony of another hiking group, one camping 50 kilometers from the Dyatlov Pass team on the same night. This other group spoke of strange orange orbs floating in the sky around Kholat Syakhl — a sight proponents of this theory interpret as distant explosions.
      • The hypothesis goes that the sound of the weapon drove the hikers from their tents in a panic. Half-clothed, the first group died of hypothermia while attempting to take shelter from the blasts by waiting near the tree line.
      • The second group, having seen the first group freeze, determined to go back for their belongings but fell victim to hypothermia too, while the third group got caught in a fresh blast further into the forest and died from their injuries.
      • Lev Ivanov, the chief investigator of the Dyatlov Pass Incident, said, “I suspected at the time and am almost sure now that these bright flying spheres had a direct connection to the group’s death” when he was interviewed by a small Kazakh newspaper in 1990. Censorship and secrecy in the USSR forced him to abandon this line of inquiry.
      • Other explanations include drug testing that caused violent behavior in the hikers and an unusual weather event known as infrasound, caused by particular wind patterns that can lead to panic attacks in humans because the low-frequency sound waves create a kind of earthquake inside the body.
      • In the end, the hikers’ deaths were officially attributed to “a compelling natural force,” and the case was closed.”
    • While writing this episode I too thought that maybe drug use was to blame. They may have gotten all hopped up on psychadelics and uppers and then run out of the tent in a blind panic.
  • The Russian Government decided to launch another investigation in 2019. Their conclusion was that it was either an avalanche, snow slab slide, or a hurricane… Ultimately the most recent investigation shined NO more light on the incident other than the Russian government was willing to spend money on this thing again for some reason.
Last known image of the group. I feel for these people… but this was a hobby to them… That looks absolutely miserable
  • In the end, the only ones who will know what happened that night are the people who perished in the Dyatlov Pass.
  • A memorial was erected with pictures of each of the hikers.

CREDIT

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Uncategorized

The Whisky War

The content below is from Episode 119 of the Who’d a Thunk It? Podcast

RECOMMENDATION SEGMENT

  • This week I recommend you watch an FX show on Hulu called The Bear.
    • This show is so damn captivating and feels so genuine that I consider it one of the best drama series I have seen in quite some time.
    • Starring Jeremy Allen White (Lip from Shameless) and Ebon Moss-Bachrach (Desi from Girls) this show takes a well written comedy drama and puts it into one of the most accurate portrayals of restaurant life I have seen.
    • To shine a light on the premise without giving too much away… because the show reveals things at EXACTLY the right time… Carmy is one of the world’s greatest young chefs, but he is now stuck running his family’s dinky little sandwich shop in a rough neighborhood in Chicago. His efforts to turn the shop into a respectable restaurant clash against the old traditions and people from his past. It is prime Television.
    • Watch it on Hulu

NOW FOR THE MAIN EVENT

  • We’ve talked about WW2 in Episode #15 Corporal Wojtek, Episode #69 The Ice Craft Carrier, and Episode #54 Silent Winged Flying Coffins.
    • We’ve talked about Vietnam with Episode #52 Helmet Graffiti of the Vietnam War and Episode #82 Operation Wandering Souls…
    • And I’ve talked about all sorts of wars throughout the 118 previous episodes and over 30 hours of podcast content… But I’ve never talked about the Whiskey Wars.
  • The fighting began in 1973 and just ended this year 2022. And thank goodness this conflict has ended after nearly 50 years! Two blood-thirsty countries, Canada and Denmark, set out to make their claim on land they thought was rightfully theirs!
    • JK. It isn’t that kind of a war. The Whisky Wars between Canada and Denmark were so tame that no one died… no one even got hurt… I don’t even think feelings were hurt throughout this entire war and if they were… the Canadians would certainly apologize for it.
    • This is about a peaceful land dispute that was handled with gentlemanly pranks and trade of a very specific good.
  • Hans Island is in the middle of the Kennedy Channel between Greenland and Ellesmere Island it is barren and uninhabited. It has a maximum elevation of 168.17 metres (551.7 ft) and has likely been part of Inuit hunting grounds since the 14th century
  • A theoretical line in the middle of the Kennedy Channel strait goes through the island. Canada and Denmark could not come to terms on Hans Island in 1973 when a border treaty was signed, leaving a gap in its border description. While they negotiated, competing claims emerged over the tiny island.
    • The war began after the countries convened to settle boundary disputes in the Nares Strait, a channel 35km (22 miles) wide of cold water separating Canada and Greenland, an autonomous territory of Denmark.
    • Both Canada and Greenland sit 18km away from Hans Island, allowing them to claim the rock under international law, and in the end they decided to settle the dispute at a later date.
      • Basically they both just procrastinated the issue for almost half a century LOL
    • Successive expeditions from Ottawa and Copenhagen have braved icy conditions to plant bottles of alcohol on the tiny 1.2sq km (0.75sq-mile) rock.
  • But in 1984, Canada made a bold stake for ownership when it landed troops on the rock. In 1984, Canadian soldiers “provoked” Denmark by planting its flag on the island and leaving a bottle of Canadian whisky.
    • With the Maple Leaf flag waving in the arctic wind and their delicious bottle of whisky secured, these Canadian troops went back home to a country that could claim was now 0.75 square miles larger!
    • The Danish Minister of Greenland Affairs came to the island himself the same year with the Danish flag, a bottle of Cognac (some sources say it was a bottle of fine Copenhagen Schnapps), and a letter stating “Welcome to the Danish Island” (Velkommen til den danske ø). The two countries proceeded to take turns planting their flags on the island and exchanging alcoholic beverages. The flags were folded properly and respectfully. There have also been Google ads used to “promote their claims”. Despite the seriousness, it has all been done in a friendly manner.
    • The Danish Minister’s visit in 1984 officially set off this War… which is more like a prank war lol
  • Many Canadians and Danes have taken part in this wonderful act of diplomacy over the decades.
    • They now describe the island as a sea of slightly tattered flags and notices.
  • Both countries agreed on a process in 2005 to resolve the issue,[9] which was finally settled in 2022.[10]
    • Now officials have agreed to divide the outpost roughly in half along a natural cleft in the rock of the island.
    • The moment this deal was signed, Canada and Denmark had established the world’s longest maritime border at 3,882km.
  • This minor border dispute is often considered humorous between the two nations, with residents displaying their humour. Despite the serious official nature of the matter, the manner in which the conflict was prosecuted was light-hearted, demonstrated by the length of time taken to settle the dispute, if nothing else. Both nations are on friendly terms, and are also founding members of NATO. Virtually no significant change aside from total land area of the two nations has been made.
  • Honestly, I’m sad. This is one war I would have been happy to continue indefinitely.

CREDIT