The content below is from Episode #160 of the Who’d a Thunk It? Podcast
RECOMMENDATION SEGMENT
- This week I recommend you watch the 1998 *classic Simon Birch
- It only has 44% on rotten tomatoes from critics and 77% from audiences
- It stars the kid from the first Jurassic Park movie Joseph Mazzello, Ian Michael Smith (as Simon Birch), Jim Carrey, Oliver Platt, and the forever-babe Ashley Judd.
- Here’s the plot
- Simon Birch (Ian Michael Smith) and Joe Wenteworth (Joseph Mazzello) are boys who have a reputation for being oddballs. Joe never knew his father, and his mother, Rebecca (Ashley Judd), is keeping her lips sealed, no matter how much he protests. Simon, meanwhile, is an 11-year-old dwarf whose outsize personality belies his small stature. Indeed, he often assails the local reverend (David Strathairn) with thorny theological questions and joins Joe on his quest to find his biological father.
- SPOILER ALERT from here on out.
- If you want to watch Simon Birch without knowing how it ends, skip to the main event on the blog or for the audio people, skip a minute or so ahead.
- This movie is sad as hell. It hilariously traumatized me as a kid because of how tragic it is.
- Simon Birch dies in the end. The main guy, whom the movie is named after dies. This lovable wisecracking philosopher you grow to love throughout the movie dies leaving his lonely friend behind. It’s sad as hell. … but that’s not the most traumatizing part.
- Joe’s mom, played by Ashley Judd, dies a horribly traumatic death.
- Throughout the entire movie Simon has a crush on Joe’s mom (and who wouldn’t… its 90’s Ashley Judd, shes a 12).
- It is how she dies that was so shocking my mind repressed the memory.
- You see, there were just about 4 things Simon Birch cared about in this movie: being pissed off at god for being born with dwarfism, his buddy Joe, Joe’s hot mom, and baseball.
- but because of Simon’s condition, he can’t play sports. He is too small and fragile. It’s also why he thinks he will never get to be with a beautiful woman like Joe’s mom.
- Well towards the middle or end of the movie there is a moment where Simon’s reluctant baseball coach is forced to put Simon in the game. Simon goes up to the plate and the audience can tell they are setting it up for Simon to actually hit a home run.
- I remember watching with such anticipation and excitement for the Simon the underdog to slug one out the ball park. The movie goes to slow motion, the pitch is thrown, and little 11-year old dwarf Simon Birch smacks the ball harder than anyone had ever hit a baseball. It was epic. I remember my whole family watching this on VHS rental from Blockbuster at home and cheering for the little guy…
- But the cheers didn’t last long…
- Because the first positive thing to happen in Simon Birch’s life, this awesome home run he’d been dreaming about for so long turned out to NOT be a home run, but a fowl ball.
- It went flying across the field and smacked Ashley Judd’s character (Joe’s mom, Simon’s crush, Simon’s bestfriend’s mom) right in the damn temple. She was dead instantly….
- TRAUMATIZING for a little kid LOL. I was like 10 years old when I watched it.
- I looked to my dad in shock saying “you can’t die from a baseball can you?!”
- My mom, the nurse, said “oh yeah, blunt force trauma to the temple, you bet you can die from it.”
- This movie is sad as hell. It hilariously traumatized me as a kid because of how tragic it is.
- I mentioned how I repressed this memory. Well it all came flooding back a few months back when I saw a Facebook reel.
- There was a meme going around where people took the Mentos Freshmaker commercial theme music and played it over various scenes from movies and TV shows. Welp… they did it to Simon Birch (click link below)
https://www.facebook.com/reel/735426717609601
I laughed so damn hard at that clip. I rewatched it so many times. I had to share with you guys, the Who’d a Thunkers. And I thought it would be a good recommendation segment.
It is definitely dark humor, but OMG I think it is comedy gold. Nay, comedy diamond.
NOW FOR THE MAIN EVENT
- Everyone hates taxes.
- Even those who think they are a necessary evil when living in society, and support them theoretically, still don’t enjoy paying them on a practical level.
“The power of taxing people and their property is essential to the very existence of government.”
James Madison, 4th President of the United States
- Taxes and America have a weird relationship.
- Being over-taxed is the main reason America exists as an independent nation. Think about the Boston Tea Party. America’s main source of revenue was import and export taxes.
- But then America had a change of heart… unfortunately.
- Income Tax specifically came around in the late 1800’s with the Civil War.
- The country was hit hard by the bloodiest conflict it had ever seen and so the Revenue Act of 1861 was passed with the help of the Lincoln administration. It made anyone with yearly income of $800 or higher to pay a flat tax.
- In 1872 the Revenue Act of 1861 was rescinded.
- The income tax wasn’t proportional to population and some found it contradicted the constitution. So the government’s right to charge these kinds of taxes was disputed by the people.
- Unheard of today to see a government be granted power during a crisis and when the crisis is over have the government let go of that power back to the people… remarkable.
- But that didn’t last long. In 1913 the 16th Amendment was passed.
- Like all amendments, tis a bit too wordy for the common man such as myself so let me give you the highlights:
- “The Congress shall have the power to lay and collect taxes on incomes, from whatever source derived, without apportionment among the several States, and without regard to any census or enumeration.”
- The dirty 16th allowed the government to charge our income and didn’t allow for any loopholes. And it seems this was sort of a pandora’s box moment. Sure, congress has repealed amendments before (refer to Prohibition [18th amendment] and the end of prohibition [21st amendment]).
- But no one in their right mind is predicting the government to give up all that sweet cash money they make off the backs of the working man.
- Honestly, (and I can’t believe I’m going to say this), but I can see income tax making sense on certain things. Like celebrities, politicians, and other professions we all collectively hate, but don’t take away the income of those blue-collar workers busting their asses all day long.
- But I understand you can’t just tax some and not others. It’s either all or nothing, otherwise it opens the door to financially imposed prejudices.
- Like all amendments, tis a bit too wordy for the common man such as myself so let me give you the highlights:
“…but in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.”
Benjamin Franklin
- Taxes and Death go hand in hand.
- The 16th Amendment called for a 1% tax on people with incomes over 3Gs per year and a 6% tax on people with incomes over 500Gs per year.
- Those percentages pale in comparison to just a few years later in 1918 when incomes over 1Million per year were taxed 77%… 77%!
- Can you guess what would cause taxes to jump so much in so little time? What was happening in 1918?
- Oh, just a little thing known as World War 1, the Great War, the War to end all Wars.
- After the war in 1922 the top tax brackets were taxed 58%, which is lower… but still majority. The tax rate kept dropping until 1929 when the top bracket was taxed 24%, which is still alot, but much more manageable.
- Until… can you guess what started to happen not long after WW1? … you may have actually gotten this one wrong…
- In 1932 during the Great Depression the top margins were taxed 63% because the US government (and most of the world) was reduced to that of beggars because of the stock market crash.
- Right after the Great Depression was WW2 and you know the government wasn’t going to let up on the income tax when they needed to kick the crap out of the Krauts on one side and the Japs on the other.
- It wasn’t until the 60’s (1960’s that is) when taxes started to drop again.
- Where there is death, there are taxes. In times of war, in times of crisis, taxes go up.
- I said that you can’t tax some and not others right… well that isn’t always the case.
- Some rules make taxes lower for certain people. The poor are taxed less than the rich, that’s the basic one. But there are also tax breaks for college students (because the government allowed student loans to screw us financially already LOL). And Parents are taxed less because they have the future of America to look after. On a basic level, these tax breaks make sense. The government is investing in the country’s future by allowing those less fortunate or those trying to better themselves a little more wiggle room. On paper, it is a good move…. but practically it doesn’t always work that way.
- There are concerns that these strategic tax breaks allow for unintended loopholes that make the system less fair. People worry the current tax system favors the mega-wealthy.
- I’m talking about your Uncle who works in sales and owns a boat, he’s probably paying taxes out the wazoo. No, I’m talking about CEO’s of giant monopolies somehow paying less taxes than your little old grandma.
- Reference this article on loopholes that benefit the rich.
- I think it is overall a good thing that our government isn’t always run by the same people.
- Everytime the administration changes they tweak the system one way or another.
- They increase economic growth, close loopholes (such as with alternative minimum tax) to make the system more “fair”, or influence some combination of the two.
- I remember the adults bitching about taxes even when I was a little kid and didn’t know what the heck taxes even were.
- I remember the shit-eating grin on my Papa’s face (RIP Papa) when my mom told him I got my first paycheck from a legit job.
- LOL he smiled a sinister smile, looked me right in the eye, and said “a Tax Payer huh? Welcome to the club!”
- But when you look back you realize it could be worse.
- Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for our bloated government having less power. I say stick it to the man every chance you get. Work with your local (non-big corp) accountant to make sure you aren’t giving those big wigs a penny more than you legally have to.
- But recognizing that things could be worse does grant one a little bit of comfort of mind in the form of gratitude.
- I remember the shit-eating grin on my Papa’s face (RIP Papa) when my mom told him I got my first paycheck from a legit job.
CREDIT:
The Journal of A_C_Unit 